May 4, 2009

Sweet Tea? Sorry, No Can Do.

A Southern girl cannot go without her sweet tea. Just don't even ask. And don't even be foolish enough to try to stand in her way when she's on a mission for said tea. She's insistent, persistent, resistant and remarkably like a hypoglycemic brain-seeking zombie except perhaps slightly less smelly. And with better skin. And better balance. Okay, maybe not really like a zombie at all, but definitely purpose-driven.

So, I was in the drive-thru at The Worst McDonald's in History. I eased up to the speaker and placed my order. This is the nightmare that transpired:

Me: I'd like a #whatever-it-was with a sweet tea.
McD: Okay, I've got a #whatever and... what did you want to drink?
Me: Sweet tea, large.
McD: We don't have sweet tea for that order.
Me: You're out of sweet tea??
McD: No, we're not out. You just can't get it with that order.
Me: Um... [big pause]... why?
McD: We don't serve tea with that order.
Me: I don't understand. (Honestly, I wasn't trying to be difficult, I really didn't understand.)
McD: You can get [insert big long list of drinks here] with that combo.
Me: But not tea?
McD: No, ma'am.

By this time the cars were lining up around the corner. And yet, I couldn't stop myself.

Me: But you have tea?
McD: Yes.
Me: And you have cups?
McD: Yes ma'am. If you order a number blah-blah or blah-blah you could get sweet tea.
Me: I'm sorry, but I don't understand. I'm certain I've gotten sweet tea with that order before.
McD: That must have been a mistake. We aren't allowed to serve tea with that combo.
Me: Why not?
McD: I don't know. That's just what we're supposed to do. It's not even a choice here on the machine when we punch in that order.
Me: Listen, does it make any sense AT ALL to you that I can get a sweet tea with a fish sandwich but I CAN'T get it with a cheeseburger? Does that sound right at all?
McD: Well...
Me: You probably really want me to drive around and stop messing with your drive times. I really want a sweet tea. How about you put me down for whatever drink order you want and then just fill the cup with sweet tea. Then I can get my dinner and you can stop talking to me which I'm sure would make your day a whole lot easier.
McD: Yes ma'am. That'll be $7.62, please pull around to the first window.

Nom nom nom.

[photo credit: MadMan the Mighty]


  1. Sometimes I am just astounded by "rules". And people's stupidity.

  2. You're like the Super-Orderer! Sweet revenge for all the time we hear, "What?" or "That will be .75 extra for the lettuce". Thanks on behalf of drivers everywhere!

  3. Apparently you weren't aware of the dangerous chemical reaction that occurs when the crystals in sweet tea interact with cheeseburgers. They're just looking out for you, Wendy.

  4. Mama Goose: We're held hostage by their little buttons. Crazy.

    Shadow: Yeah, I'm about to give a stern talking to Pizza Hut next. Whenever I order one of their sandwiches I like to get extra sauce on the side because they always drench the sandwich on one end in the middle and there is NO sauce everywhere else. They charge FIFTY SENSE for a side of dressing. Bastards.

    Shawn: I'm ungrateful. This is the truth. I don't deserve them.

  5. I'm cracking up!

    And I thought I had the worse McDonalds in History by my house.

  6. I had to google 'sweet tea'. Pardon my abject ignorance, but this was an unknown beverage to me. But I'm impressed by their adherence to rules. They obviously know something about the mix of food groups that is unknown to us mere mortals.

  7. Just soyou know ... they probably spit in that large sweet tea ...

  8. Hiya!

    I have listed you in response to a tag I recently received for promoting blogs that are new to you. Please do not feel obligated with this tag....

  9. Okay...I am totally baffled by this. I am sure I have never heard of such a thing. I could understand if tea was a different price than sodas, but it's not. It's the same. I happen to love McDs sweet tea and get them fairly often, but I don't eat the food there, so I've not discovered if this is a problem or not here. I'll have to asks some of my students that work there... interesting.

  10. One of my students said that sometimes there isn't a tea button for a combo, but that here they just go to a different combo and push the tea button... no big deal.

    You should go have a word with the manager. That is ridiculous logic (not that there is really any logic in that...).

  11. If you really got the tea, that is a miracle.

  12. Atta girl! I love it when people get one over on beaurocracy! LOL!

    I'd have just said, OK, make them separate orders, just gimme the sweet tea.

    Actually, I'd have said 'gimme the UNsweet tea' but the principle is the same. ;)

  13. Oh Good Lord.

    One of these days I'm going to be in situation like this and I'm just going to start screaming and never stop, like a fire alarm with the handle broken off.

    Excellent problem-solving skills!

  14. I'm sure they'd have loved to help you but some other chain took "Think outside the bun."

  15. I don't know what's more impressive, that you got what you wanted anyway, or that you did it without cussing. Well done!

  16. that is HYSTERICAL. I am laughing so hard my husband's yelling: "what's so funny" from 3 rooms away. LLOL. "you have cups, right?" LOL. Have you ever heard that spoof of a fast-food drive up in which a guy pulls up to the drive through and orders from McD's - he wants a hamburger, a large fries, and a coke (or something like that) and the speakers are like: "blah blah blah blah blah blah." And the guys gets increasingly intense and ticked off and starts yelling... it's soooo funny.... (can't you tell from my articulate description? lol)

  17. Perhaps a future CEO?

    When your kids get a little older, you won't have to go to McDonald's ANYMORE. Very freeing moment.

  18. Yeah, I love your "Lemmetellyawhatchagonnado" moment! Totally bad-ass.

  19. You're my new hero, lol!!

    Although, I think it's odd that they sell Sweet Tea at McD's here in MN. Of course, they *should* if they sell it in general and for Southerners traveling, but I've found most Midwesterners like their tea unsweetened. It is so weird.

  20. Way to enable the sad, tiny-brained worker... telling them how to make that happen. That is just ridiculous.

  21. This is my second read on a McDonald's story in 5 minutes- both were so funny. I'm happy you got your tea. You definately did the right thing.

  22. Oh sounds like you were in my town ordering at the McD's! You go girl!

  23. That was hilarious! I despise drive thru if I want something 'special'. People just don't listen today.

  24. Kim: No, I'd have to go head-to-head with you on that one. I think I could have an entire blog about our local McDonald's.

    Madame DeFarge: My goodness, you are deprived! :) I actually Googled "sweet tea" to see how it would be defined online. I was trying to read about it as if I had never heard about it. I grew up in the South, but for many years I was in California and they don't do sweet tea there (at least where I was). They do all sorts of weird and hideous things to iced tea there. I'm back in the south now so I can get it whenever I want and don't have to make it (although we do keep a pitcher of it in the fridge all the time). I recently read about something called bubble tea. I'm scared and fascinated at the same time and want to try it!

  25. Tati: Yeah, they probably did, but even sweet tea with spit tastes good.

    Rose: Thanks, I'll check it out!

    Smalltown Girl: So far it's been an isolated incident, so maybe I just got the wrong person on the wrong day. (I hope!)

    Margo: I did get it. :) Generally I try to be easy going and go with the flow, but sometimes you just gotta go for it!

    Vic: LOL. I've had that feeling about myself before. Just like that.

    Only a movie and Sprite's Keeper: Thanks and I appreciate you stopping by! :)

    Maelstrom: You get an LOL! :)

    Funnyrunner: I was having a hard time not laughing while in the drive-thru because it was surreal -- nearly one of those out of body moments. I love those.

    MJ: Oh, I will be so thrilled to get off the Happy Meal treadmill!

    Becky and E.Envie: *flexing my muscles*

    Ginny: Hey, my husband accuses me of being an enabler all the time. Oh, maybe that's not exactly what you meant. (hee hee)

    2Thinks: Three words... PLAGUE OF MADNESS

    Farmchick: It might be a universal problem.

    Shanna, Lawyer Mom, Jim: Thanks for dropping by. Help yourself to the pitcher!

  26. This is the most hilarious thing I have read in a long time. Seriously, have you published a book of this stuff? Erma Bombeck was a goddess of mommy-hood, but you are the QUEEN BEE of funny. My husband is like, "what the heck are you guffawing about in there??" I keep telling him, you GOT to come read this! Of course, she's from Arkansas (we vacation in Hot Springs every summer) and being from Texas, we can totally relate! Mommy-hood and just being from Texas are funny things, but you are the best. Can't wait for your next installment!

  27. I love how you figured it out. It made sense to her...


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