March 20, 2009

Mom, Please Stop Speaking

Okay, here is a secret post about my mom. If anyone tells her about this you cannot come back to my blog anymore. And also, I will wish that one thousand fleas take up residence in your undergarments.

Remember how I mentioned yesterday that my mother was flirting with a guy? I teased her about it just before I left the office last night. Shoulda known better.

I came into the office this morning and sat down at my desk to work and here she comes...

The door flies open. No hello.

"I wasn't flirting," she says.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, sure. Mm-hmm." I pretended to stare at something really, really interesting on my monitor.

"It's just that I love people. I love talking to people. I enjoy it."

I glanced up over the monitor and contemplated metaphorically heaving her over my shoulder in a fireman's carry and dragging her out of Fantasy Land.

Just as I was about to set her straight she said, "Well, really, I love men."

That's when I threw up a little in my mouth.


  1. My daughter in law's uncle thinks I'm a "hot babe". I recently saw my son, with nose wrinkling disgust on his face say,"EWWWWW dude, that's my MOM!"
    Hmmmph, *adjusting sagging granny panties* We STILL got it! *L*

  2. OOPSIE. I had five or six people leave comments today and I accidentally DELETED THEM ALL because I wasn't watching what I was doing!

    So, anyone who left comments today that are not up here... so sorry! Nothing personal at all -- I just have a big, spastic finger that obviously can't control where it clicks!

  3. "Wendy saw The Toddler jumping up to try to catch the moon."

    This is from your previous post. Pardon me for being behind. Like way behind. Anyway, I remember doing this with my kids. How long ago that was! Thanks for reminding me. Lovely memory.

  4. Hope your mom doesn't find your blog on her own...

    Somehow the thought of her saying that with a Southern accent is nicer. 'Ah jus' luv men.'

  5. Hahahahaha. You're mom sounds like an absolute character. Love it!

  6. Too funny! A few years ago, some kid approached me on the train platform and asked for a light, then made casual conversation for a bit. After he left, my son - 17 at the time, I think - told me "If he'd hit on you a little bit hard, I was gonna have to punch him out. Dude! That's my MOTHER!" Me? I didn't even notice. Huh.

  7. You and a bunch of others! I didn't even get to read all the comments or see who they were. There could have been something REALLY JUICY in there, too!

  8. Aw, I'm jealous. I can't blog about my mom (thereby cathartically getting it all off my proverbial chest) because she reads my blog religiously. One of my favorite quotes from her made it to my blog: "I know you're alive; I read your blog this morning."

    With that said, now I have that song going through my"Stacy's mom has got it going on..." hee hee

  9. I feel your pain.

    My mom will be 55 this year. (Don't tell her I said that.) She and her best friend plan on celebrating that birthday by going to the Coyote Ugly in Panama City.

    Now I've seen that movie a million times. I've watched every season of the reality show. I've even been to the Coyote Ugly in Atlanta. I know what the place is like. I don't even want to think of my 55 year old mother dancing on a bar top. I just don't.

    That's why every time she starts talking about it, I put my fingers in my ears, hum really loud, and pretend Carol Brady is my mother.


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