March 26, 2009

Can't We Be Frenemies?

I was washing dishes tonight after dinner and noticed a nice couple practicing baseball with their son. I said to my husband, "Hey, it looks like there are new neighbors over there maybe." (We live next to a quadruplex and don't really keep track of who comes and goes but I hadn't seen these folks before.)

Rob leaned over and looked past me and said, "Oh... yeah. Well, um, I saw her yesterday and she waved at me and was really friendly, but I was working on the mower and just said hi back and probably wasn't as friendly as I could have been. I was really stressed."

I said, "Oh, bummer." I scrubbed the dishes and watched them play for few seconds. "Hey, I think I'll go meet them and introduce them to the boys. Their boy looks about the same age."

So, I scramble around like a lunatic trying to get the boys back into their shoes and socks and wipe faces and tidy shirts and just make sure we look halfway respectable. We walk out to the small field behind their apartment. When we passed the boundary of our yard, the little boy saw us and started waving excitedly. I waved back. I thought it was a little strange neither of the parents looked in my direction. If my kid were waving at someone I'd be wondering who he was waving at. (This should have been my first clue, but read on.)

He comes running up and I said, loud enough for everyone to hear me, "Hi there! We're your neighbors. We wanted to come over and introduce ourselves!" Still the parents don't turn around. I was pretty sure they heard me but second-guessed myself.

I said, "This is Tristan and Julius. What's your name?" By this point I'm starting to freak out because I don't like being a weirdo stranger who comes up and starts talking to kids without their parents being involved. But as I am often unable to restrain myself I asked his name anyway.

"I'm Jeremy." (not his real name) and added, "Can I play with you?"

"Uhhhhhhhmm..." I kept walking really fast to try to get within what I thought was earshot so when they finally turned around to look at me they wouldn't think I was stalking their kid. I yell obnoxiously loud, "HI THERE! I'm, uhhhh, your neighbor. The one from over there next door!"

The whole time the mom and dad had been throwing a baseball to each other. They both had baseball gloves on. The mom turned around and looked at me with this weird expression on her face that sort of implied she knew EXACTLY who I was and didn't care at all to have anything to do with me.

And yet, I'm just like an eager puppy trying desperately to make things as fabulous as possible. "Er... Wendy, that's me. Your neighbor. Next door." Crickets start chirping in the background. They haven't paused throwing the ball AT ALL and have actually moved slightly away from me at this point. I stood there like a dummy for an agonizing hour that was probably actually only 15 seconds.

Finally, after one catch she turned her head to me and said, "Vicki." (Not her real name.) Then threw the ball back to her husband.

"Ah," I said awkwardly. The husband caught the ball and looked at me with a sort of smirky look on his face.

"Alrighty then. Come on boys, let's go home!"

I attempted to walk in a dignified manner back to my house with my tail between my legs. Never, ever, ever in my life have I had anything like that happen. It was just WEIRD.

So, we've spent the last hour trying to come up with various theories about what could have gone wrong. Here is my list:

  1. They were paying Rob back for his social faux pas from earlier.
  2. They know I'm a yeller and think I'm a hideous parent.
  3. They read my blog and don't want me for a neighbor.
  4. They are in the witness protection program.
  5. As a rule they just hate ALL neighbors, not just us.
  6. They are bitter because we have a nice yard and they don't.
  7. They are aliens and do not yet feel properly socialized in a human environment.

Do you have any other theories? Work on it and let me know what you come up with. I'm off to go stalk them and try to figure out why they hate me. I was hoping for friends, would settle for frenemies, but now I can't even get that. Sheesh.


  1. They didn't love Wendy? Oh man, they're aliens for sure! I too am unable to resist children and say things like 'hey buddy whatcha doin?' or 'hi ya cutie patootie how are you today?' often while paranoid parents run over, dragging their children away from the apparently demented and dangerous lady...These people didn't even quit playing ball? Hmmmm it makes you wonder. Let me know what you find out with your stalking mission. If it's juicy enough we can bust em on the Maury Show :p

  2. Here are my theories

    1. It wasn't their kid
    2. They were high
    3. They are a terrorist cell
    4. They are planning to replace you
    5. They are autistic
    6. Some one hired them to be rude to you.
    7. You were invisible momentarily except to children.

  3. I have to agree with Kathy. Aliens is the only reasonable explanation. Hateful people, serial killers, blog haters, people who felt socially jilted...none of these people would have been able to resist the social norms of polite introduction. Aliens would not know how to react. They thought they were home free with the whole "throwing ball" thing they must have seen on television.

    Avoid at all costs.

  4. Good grief, people! I was just having bad self-esteem but now I'm seriously freaked out with you agreeing with me about the aliens and also, GINNY, terrorist cell?? Now that I think about it they do have the creepy Arlington Road vibe.

    Also, what kind of paranormal episode might I be involved in that would make me invisible to grownups??

    I might not be able to sleep tonight.

  5. Maybe they are kidnappers. I should go check some Most Wanted lists!

  6. I had that happen when my new neighbors moved in (not the same exact, just the same idea) and I thought I must have had spinach in my teeth.

  7. Maybe they're just assholes? (I usually just take the easy way out with this catchall.)

  8. They're just not that into you. But you're awesome so *I* don't get it!! And I have Asperger's and do stupid stuff like that so maybe they are on the spectrum. *shrug*. We suck at social skills!

  9. Generally speaking, the way people behave, has nothing to do with you.
    They are either rude or maybe just inherently awkward. Some people are like that! maybe next time you just smile and wave and eventually they'll stop being wierd.

  10. Locquacious, isn't it crummy?? The neighbors, not the spinach. The spinach is pretty good.

    Maelstrom, I can always count on you for a plain spoken, simple solution.

    Envie, you and Ginny have matching theories!

    Victoria, you're so sensible.

    I'm still leaning toward the kidnapper theory since I've not seen them outside since the incident!

  11. I think they're autistic terrorists in the witness protection program and they'd just finished a marriage counseling session.

    Lay low is what I'd do. Poor Jeremy!

  12. I was going to go with deaf. Until she said her name. Payback, may be. But then they are real quick to judge, eh?

  13. I have the feeling my neighbors think I hate them, when actually I'm just very, very shy.

    Although, actually, I do hate a few of them, now that I think about it.

  14. People are so transitory now. Being open and puppy friendly is looked on suspiciously. I know because I'm also very friendly. It used to be that the people in the neighborhood who kept to themselves and ignored neighbors were gossiped about and mistrusted. Now a "friendly neighbor" is the exception rather than the rule. :O(

  15. Funnyrunner, I wish it were true that she were taking a picture of the two of them, but it's NOT. They were seated side by side and she had her arm around him with the camera pointing away from them.

    I'll just keep saying to myself, "I'm so beautiful. I'm movie-star hot." yeah, that's it! :)

    Re: your mom. You can always "anonyblog"!

  16. How completely and totally freakishly weird. I like the aliens theory so far the best. Just took the boys to see RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN (for the room clean-up) and aliens can look just like us, you wouldn't believe it! Or... maybe they don't speak English?

    In any case, they're rude and weird and not good enough to be friends with Wendy!

    And stop answering my comments on your other blogs before I've even had a chance to catch up on all of your postings! lol... I'm stressed about blog-literature-catch-up!

  17. Oy. It's weird that BOTH members of a couple would be assholes. I'm going with the Arlington Road situation or the kidnapper theory.

    And I'm adding you to my blogroll so I don't miss another single thing. 'Cause clearly there's some stuff going on over there.

  18. maybe they're my friend from the Mahnus planet. I wonder why they didn't tell me, I'm a pioneer in this planet. -_-


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