February 23, 2009

Treat Meal from Hell

The wind was biting. I was wearing no jacket, just a long-sleeved shirt. The kids weren't dressed for the weather either, but there we were, trapped by an obligation to attend the first baseball practice of the season.

My fingers curled through the chain link fence as I watched Julius throw the ball to his pitching-and-catching partner. The Toddler ran past me chasing a little girl in a pink coat with big fake fur trim on the hood.

An hour and a half later my mom was on the phone telling me I needed to get the kids out of the weather or we would all die. Thank goodness practice only lasted one and a half hours instead of the proposed two, because, well... you know. Who wants to die?

As an inducement to get the kids into the car in a reasonable amount of time I did the only thing a mother could do. I bribed them with McDonald's. As I was strapping The Toddler into his car seat I asked him what he wanted for dinner.

"Tea," was his response.

"Okay, but do you want a cheeseburger or chicken?"


"You have to eat something. Do you want chicken?"


"Do you want a cheeseburger?"

"No. Tea."

"Okay, listen... you can have tea. What do you want with your tea?"

"Um... tea."

I sighed. Let's try this another way. "Tea is a drink. You also have to eat. What would you like to eat?"


"Chicken or cheeseburger."


"Yes, you can have tea. You want tea?"

"Uh huh."

At this point I begin talking to him like he's hard of hearing, slowly and loudly. "With your TEA, you must have either CHICKEN or CHEESEBURGER. Which do you want?"


"Well, okay then."

I got into the driver's seat and started backing up. Julius puts his feet up on the dash and looked over at me. "Mom, ask me what I want for dinner."

"I know what you want."

"C'mon, just ask me."

"What do you want for dinner, Jules?"

"Tea," he says and then throws back his head and laughs hysterically.


  1. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    They are hilarious.

  2. hahahaha I totally agree with envelope! That was classic!

  3. Oh you would think this was funny, I hope. Lately all of my conversations with my children seem to involve me answering a question with one word, them mishearing the word and both of us repeating back and forth until the whole neighborhood can hear me.

    Well I was making brats tonight. My 8 year old non meat eater asked what I was making.
    Me: Brats.
    Him: Bras?
    M: Brats!
    H: Bras??
    M: Brats! Brats! Brats!
    H: Bras?!?!

    At which point, he found something else to become interested in:P and my husband is looking at me like I've grown another head. Which is likely.

  4. Hahahaha. It's a wonder any of us are sane. :)

  5. This morning, my 8-year-old daughter was getting ready for school. It's a stressful day for some because the kids here are taking the TAKS test, a Texas achievement test. If they don't pass the reading comprehension part of the test, they don't get to go the the fourth grade. Anyway, we're trying to have a nice, calm morning. I told her I was about to fix her eggs and toast for breakfast.

    "Can I have some kiwi?" she asked.
    "Yes, but you have to have more than just kiwi for breakfast. Do you want toast with your eggs and kiwi?" I asked.
    "Yes," she said. Let me repeat that. "Yes," she said.

    After much encouragement on my part, she finally ate the kiwi and eggs, leaving that big piece of buttered toast just sitting there.

    "I don't like toast anymore." she announced.

    "Then, why did you say you wanted some for breakfast?" I asked.

    Blank look. "I don't like toast anymore," she repeated.

    Ah, yes. The joys of motherhood! May we all enjoy it to the best of our abilities!


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