September 11, 2009

A Thoughtful Offer

I was down at the Chamber of Commerce office dropping off some marketing material and other goodies for the nice lady there to give out in the packets she sends to people who make inquiries.

I sat in there for a while and we chatted about goings-on in town. Just as we were about to wrap things up an older gentleman (not OLD, just older than me) came swooping into the room. The door flew wide open nearly hitting the wall and he paused dramatically in the doorway and surveyed all that was in the room before he fianlly entered.

Donna, the Chamber of Commerce lady, seemed to know him. I could tell by looking at him that he was "from off" (i.e. not from here, not a native of the area). His hair was grayish and a little wild. He was smartly dressed and had boatloads of charisma at his disposal. He started immediately disposing of it all around the room. Some of it got on me.

After a short time, Donna introduced me and when he discovered I was a Realtor he immediately launched into a story about this piece of property in Kansas City that would make us all rich if only I could find an investor to purchase it. And then he spun the tale about various ways we could turn all this into our advantage, most of which sounded suspicious and not entirely legal.

Talking to him was a bit like wallowing around in quicksand, but a quicksand that is a really lovely shade of lavendar or delicate rose pink and perhaps smells a little like warm apples with cinnamon. I could sense the danger, but didn't really care.  I could see, though, that if I were ever going to get out of there I'd have to come up with some dire excuse like "Oh, I forgot my house is on fire..." or maybe "oops, I'm incontinent!"

Eventually I extracted myself and headed to my car. To my dismay he was behind me and seemed to be not just leaving at the same time as me, but actually following me. I stopped before I got to the car and turned around. He started talking about parties he goes to and muckety-muck politicians and celebrities who sometimes attend. He mentioned one party in which he was the escort of a very rich and classy woman. And when he said "escort" I assumed he meant "date" because I'm a silly, naive sort of girl.

He continued, "I do that sometimes, act as an escort to these woman who need someone to attend parties or dinners or whatever with them. Upscale endeavors where looks are important and discretion is required."

I thought about this for a moment wondering why he was telling me all this since I'm about the last person in the world who attends any upscale endeavor where looks are important and discretion is required.

And then he added, "I'd offer these services to you, of course, if you ever had need of them."

"Oh," I said, it suddenly all becoming clear to me. "Er, well, thank you. That's a very thoughtful offer, but no, definitely not. I'm sure my husband would not be too keen on that."

"You're married then."

"Oh yes, quite married, thank you."

"Well, please do keep considering the other offer of selling that property. I hope you can find someone for it. And tune in to my radio show. There's the number on my van..."

He waved his arm to a hand-painted hippie wagon that made me forget his creepy offer and made me smile at his eccentric ways, his free spirit, his energy and his determination to be himself in a community where that sort of behavior frequently goes unrewarded.

I waved and watch him go, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.


  1. "oops, I'm incontinent!"

    I have to remember that ... not sure where it will be appropriate to use, but I am going to keep my eye out for an opportunity, because that cracks me up!!

  2. ......Talking to him was a bit like wallowing around in quicksand, but a quicksand that is a really lovely shade of lavendar or delicate rose pink and perhaps smells a little like warm apples with cinnamon. I could sense the danger, but didn't really care.

    Wendy in this one paragraph you explained why I married and divorced quickly like some hollywood starlet. LOL

    Love this post.

  3. Wendy, I'm a frequent reader, though I hardly ever post. This post, however, required my comment. My comment is this: You lead what HAS to be the Most Interesting and Entertaining Life! I'm in a big city and nothing I encounter is as nutty as what you encounter. Honestly: from Near Chicken Theft to a Thoughtful Escort... wow. Just wow.

  4. Men can be such pigs. Oh well. Just take it as a compliment! :)

  5. I'm not sure if that's creepy or flattering. Either way funny!

  6. Did you happen to keep his number?

  7. Oh my goodness. The cast of characters that you encounter.

    But so thoughtful of him to offer his services!

  8. oh thanks for sharing this entertaining story!! i couldn't help but giggle.. and admire your ease of words.

    have a great weekend!

  9. Hey it never hurts to be reminded from time to time that you still got it. :)

  10. I think I would have crawled up & died... too funny!

  11. Hmmm... What do you say to something like that? Thank you. Maybe?

  12. I wonder what his radio show is all about? I have visions of a refined Howard Stern. If that's even possible. I'd have blushed furiously, simpered and then felt wistful all day. Even if the interest was financial, still nice to be asked.

  13. Tehehehe. Oh this made me giggle a lot. Reminds me of a man at the shopping centre the other day who wouldn't stop talking. Didn't even know him. He apparently likes to follow strangers around.

  14. You had me laughing at the wonderful turns of phrase - the bit about quicksand and making excuses to leave, and some of his charisma 'getting on you' etc. LOL!

    But good grief. He sounds exactly the sort of guy that makes me want to run away screaming - very, very fast!

  15. That is one encounter you will remember. LOL

  16. Ick. I felt like I was there and need to take a shower.

  17. I soooo enjoy the way you tell a story! How flattering, I guess, that he thought you attended important events and might have need of an escort who could comport himself appropriately. What did your husband say? I'll bet you were both amused by the whole thing. I think people are just so interesting!

  18. I love that story, and I would've loved that offer too, in fact I may just have to find an upscale event to take him to.

    Been thumbing through your blog and had a lovely time here - thank you

  19. You do seem to attract the crazies. Maybe that's why I'M following your blog! LOL!


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