September 7, 2009

Reduce, Refuse, Relax

A slight "blogcation" was forced upon me due to my chaotic lifestyle and also that I refuse to face the fact that I can't actually do everything.  Despite obvious proof otherwise, I am still CERTAIN I can indeed do everything I want to do.

So, in order to continue living in my well-constructed fantasy world I am pretending I didn't really want to do Small Town Snapshot Sunday yesterday. I'm also pretending I didn't really want to do a post this morning as is my usual custom.

I'm not pretending very well. No, honestly, I would rather have been doing my small town snapshots yesterday instead of buying 96 rolls of toilet paper. I would rather have been describing my fabulous small town life instead of fighting Chuckwagon Race traffic on a highway that has all but two lanes closed due to construction.  I would rather have been writing a post this morning instead of doing loads of dishes and making a very bad surprise omelet for my husband that turned out to be really wet in the middle followed up by driving a Realtor around in the woods and being in the car with the kids for three hours straight.

However, not one to be a total complainer, I can never consider the time wasted. Because if I hadn't been trapped in the car with the boys for three hours I would possibly not have heard this conversation:

T: You poo poo chicken.
J: You're a fat poop chicken.
T: You poo poo chicken!
J: You're a fat poopy chicken!
T: You poo poo chicken!
J: You're a fat poo poo chicken butt!
T: You penis head!

Please remember, this is not language we use in our home, rather this is just a string of naughty boy words attached to regular English words in a combination that the boys find hilarious.

* * *

After we left the lost and confused Realtor, I was driving on to our next destination. I was wearing a tank top with a flowery overblouse and I hadn't noticed that one side of the shirt had slipped down off my shoulder. Tristan, his usual helpful self, said "Mom, you shirt fall off."

I looked down and said, "Oh, it sure is." I pulled my shirt back up onto my shoulder and kept on driving.

Tristan continued on with his sage observations and advice, "You need smaller bips. You bips too big, Mommy. You shirt fall off. You bips too big."

"Um, are you saying my breasts are too large?"

"Uh huh, you bips big. You shirt fall off."

I immediately phoned home to relay his recommendation to his dad who said, "Tell Tristan to mind his own damn business."

* * *

And so, after the toil of the morning, lunch is done, one boy is having a nap, one boy is sweeping the kitchen floor without asking (must be up to something!) and I'm about to relax and put my feet up with an ice cold "uncola" with a squeeze of fresh lime.

I hope you're having an unlaborious Labor Day, wherever you are.


  1. Wendy, you never disappoint. Thanks for my laugh today!

  2. It is hard to accept that we have limits, but (for the sake of our sanity) do that we must. You already do so much. I'm just in awe of you.

    I hope you're having a great day. (((Big hugs))) Namaste

    And I love the conversation between your boys. lol

  3. you had me laughing so hard!

  4. Here's a toast to one big bipped momma to another! Clink!

  5. Daddy lays down the law to Tristan...LMAO!!!

  6. How is it that penis head, poopoo head, etc., are universally spoken at about the same age?

  7. I hope you, and your too big bips have a great week!

    ha - dying laughing over here.

  8. I hope that was a REAL coke you had with lime.

    As for too-big bips, don't they keep your shirts UP . . . and ON?

  9. Vacation is good for the soul, and the dishes, and the laundry, and...
    I spent this afternoon with feet up on the deck, reading about Twitter and its many uses in the modern world of cyberspace, sipping diet orange drink and munching on whatever junk food could not run fast enough to elude me.
    All in all, it was a good day.
    Now, I need to feed my blog.
    If you'll excuse me...

  10. My bips are too big according to my husband is exactly fine..he'd be tellin' Tristan to mind his own damn business too!

    I have all girls. We get "begina head" around's a whole nuther world!

    Great post..thanks for the laugh!


  11. Unlaborious indeed! I've spent the last couple hours catching up on my blog roll! LOL :)

  12. I figured you must've been on vacation or otherwise occupied. I have a challenge for you now. While you're out and about with your camera see if you can get some good ladybug pictures and post them with reference to...

  13. suchhhhha funny incident! whoa... man im not married yet and if "by chance" i get i will make sure not to have boys as kids, if "by chance" i have then i will never hear their conversation, if "by chance" iam with them i will make sure i never wear such shirt that keeps falling of..and if "by chance" luck is not on my side then i will for sure never analyse the comparison about my bips by my kid and husband! because if i will do.. then i will die rite now im outta breath....

  14. Poo poo chicken. Damn. I just know that's going to pop out at work one day soon.

  15. This post made me laugh out loud. I totally remember those potty word days and my son and his friends laughing hysterically at all kinds of nonsense. Your husband's response was classic - very funny.

  16. It's good to know that male conversation has such strong foundations. I see much the same at work. Buy more toilet rolls and stuff them down your shoulders to keep your shirt up.

  17. This is great! Now I have a whole string of insults involving the word chicken, poo, and fat that I can launch at people who offend me! Thanks, boys!

    Awesome post, Wendy! :)


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