July 8, 2009

A Particular Man

One of my greatest pleasures in life is sitting in a public place and watching things go on around me. At a glance the world seems relatively normal, but in reality it's often strange and surreal if you'll just pause for a moment and become very aware of what's happening nearby.

It also helps to be invisible as I frequently seem to be.

Recently I was at a lunch meeting and one of the first to arrive. I picked a spot at the very end of the table so I could see everyone down both sides. I was also the only person not eating. I end up at several lunch meetings during the month and after a while you can only take so much of that self-indulgence.

Mr. Jefferson was two seats down to my right and was dressed in slacks, a white shirt and a nice tie. Just back from the buffet, he sat down with a bowl of steamed cauliflower. Just cauliflower.

He unwrapped his silverware from the napkin and put the fork to the left of the bowl and his spoon and knife to the right. He unfolded the napkin and placed it across his lap, then laid both his hands on the silverware to ensure the utensils were lined up just-so.

He pursed his lips and nodded with satisfaction, then picked up his fork and began eating his veggies. And when I say veggies I really mean cauliflower. Just cauliflower.

Mr. Jefferson is a tidy man, well put-together. There's something about him that is vaguely disturbing but after knowing him for about a year and occasionally being in meetings with him I still haven't been able to figure out just what it is. Perhaps because he is the anti-me. As far to the extreme as he is in quietude, appropriateness, tidiness and orderly demeanor, I balance him out at the other end of the scale. I swear he breaks out in a sweat every time I come near him.

I don't blame him. Sometimes I make my own self nervous.

With the meeting commencing we got down to business. Mr. Jefferson sat quietly with input when it was required of him. The waitress brought him a plate with a steak on it and an empty bowl for veggies. "I brought your bowl for you, but I see you already got it yourself," she said. He nodded, staring down at his used empty bowl.

Directly to my right, Mr. Dobbs drank from his glass, condensation dripping from the glass to the table. I resisted a powerful urge to fold up a napkin to put under his drink. I hardly know him.

Now who is being particular?

Partly through the meeting I felt a gargantuan sneeze coming on, so I grabbed a napkin from a stack in front of me and slapped it over my mouth and nose just in time to keep a germaceous hurricane of possibly-diseased air from swirling around a member of the local government on my left.

I do not sneeze very lady-like and with a vigorous AAACHOOOOOOOOO I interrupted the meeting. Mr. Jefferson turned toward me and looked at me with a napkin over my face. He nodded with approval and said, "That's right!" I just sat there and stared at him, unsure how to respond.

That's right?

I forgot to mention that Mr. Jefferson is in a health-related field so I guess he was affirming to me that I was doing the right thing making liberal use of the free restaurant napkins.

I noticed later when he coughed he put his own napkin up to his mouth, coughed into it, folded it and lined it up very carefully next to the fork at the left side of his plate, patting it down gently.

Mr. Jefferson is a particular man.

22 comments:

  1. Oh, I am always watching people - analyzing. Sometimes I'm convinced that everyone else is crazy and I'm the only normal one. Or is that I'm crazy and everyone else is normal? I'm not sure. ;-)

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  2. Wow! Cauliflower? I never believed in the vegetableness of cauliflower because it's white. Vegetables can't be white, can they? White veggies are spooky. No wonder Mr. Jefferson creeps you out.

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  3. I don't like to say I'm normal because that says I'm just like everybody else and I don't feel that way at all. Maybe everyone else sees me as normal though- I really have no idea.

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  4. And I wonder who was watching you, Ms Wendy.

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  5. See, you're so nice! I have compulsivness issues. I'd have an overwhelming urge to fork cauliflower out of his pristine bowl and gulp it down...or...bump his silverware out of line or...wipe my sneeze off on his tie *LOL*
    He's probably wearin' women's underwear under all that "proper obsessivness"..:OP

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  6. lol, MJ "white veggies are spooky" ha!

    I think I'm going to quit saying 'bless you' and just start saying 'that's right!'

    I loved this post bc I'm constantly doing this to everyone at work. It's just hard to believe some people are real, you know?

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  7. I once had an employee who divorced her husband, the last straw being the way he cut his pancakes into perfect little squares before taking a bite. She said she always wanted to just reach over with her fork & start smooshing everything around on his plate. :)

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  8. Maybe it's just me, but doesn't cauliflower give most people gas? I'm not so sure I'd be eating a whole bowl of it at a public meal...and sure wouldn't want to be sitting next to someone who had!

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  9. Oh man, I hate to think of what other people see in me during a lunch meeting.;-)

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  10. And you say you are not particular? That I wonder, or maybe not. lol. You are very observant. You miss very little.. lol

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  11. He passed up steak in favor of cauliflower??? The man is just not right!

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  12. I get a lot of enjoyment out of watching people as well. They intrigue me. But I often wonder like Maelstrom suggested, who is watching me?

    Good story though. I can just totally picture the look of confusion on your face when he said "That's right!". Makes me laugh.

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  13. Is he a cyborg? One never knows where and when they may strike with their evil cauliflower ways.

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  14. He seems like a strangely interesting man. Sort of pleasant. I love people watching and I always seem to be the one that sees things no one else does. And usually it's worthy of one good WTF?!

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  15. you're a wonderful writer, Wendy. Love your description. lol. I guess he meant: "now THAT'S the way to sneeze!" I have a friend who, when she sneezes, is as ladylike and minimal as possible: "tsoo.. tsoo" in a high-pitched voice. It's annoying! lol

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  16. "There's something about him that is vaguely disturbing but [...] I still haven't been able to figure out just what it is." Its the cauliflower! That's wrong! Madame DeFarge is probably right and he is a cyborg.

    Re the sneeze, I have recently embraced the forearm technique promulgated by public health bods during the swine flu bizzo. As it is freezing here now and I am often wearing two jumpers, I have a thickly padded elbow-crook to muffle my explosion.

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  17. With my luck in such a venue, the sneeze would come on so fast, I'd just get my face around to let loose into the bowl full of cauliflower.

    Murphy's Law was written for me ;)

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  18. So did he eat the steak too?

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  19. still a bit behind on catchin' up with everyone.. but i sure enjoyed this post. people watching should be on the register as a sport! LOL ;)

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  20. Interesting fellow. I picture him tall and lanky, waxy, with clammy hands.

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  21. Great story. Even though I'm a psychiatrist and watch and talk to people all day, I like doing exactly what you described, just getting out and watching people for the fun of it. You can learn a lot and see some pretty funny stuff too!

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  22. We all have our idiosyncrasies, don't we? Some more than others, I guess.

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