November 28, 2008

The Menace of Electric Cars

Up until today I've been really excited about the prospect of electric cars. For the obvious reasons, of course. I love that we can break our dependence on fossil fuels. I especially love how quiet they are.

My first experience with electric cars was when I was waiting for a client of mine and walked out to meet him when I saw him coming down the road. He pulls up next to me and I thought his car had stalled and he was coasting in. The only sound it was making was the crunching of the tires on the gravel. Oh, to drive a car that rides the wind like a whisper.

Yeah, until today. Today I nearly had a body part amputated by one of those stealth Bringers of Pain. I was in the parking lot of Lowe's loading paint into my car and this woman comes up and opens the door of the car next to mine. I didn't think much of it. She slid into the car and I wasn't being particularly careful because I figured I was safe until I heard the car start.

I proceed to back my hindquarters out of the car, whipping around to slam the door shut when I see the front end of her car swinging around to greet me like a long-lost lover angling in for a hot embrace. She, of course, is looking the other way. I freeze, bewildered for a moment because the car is moving, silently and swiftly, and about to amputate my ass. Or at least maybe my foot. I think she missed me by only three inches.

So, I realize that in all the hubbub of the electric cars being the panacea for the environment and the economy, nobody is talking about butt amputation AT ALL and I think someone should be. I envision old ladies and the blind being knocked flying through intersections, small children being flattened like pancakes by well-meaning
hippiesyuppies hopped up on grande mochas.

Where is Ralph Nader when you need him?


  1. BWAHAHAH! They need that back up beeping noise that big trucks have. That is kind of frightening though. Glad you're ok and all in one piece!

  2. I think you're right! Except maybe going forward, too. :)

  3. In favour of electric cars, I can see there might be some demand in affluent societies like ours for a bit of arse-amputation. [I don't know why we speel it arse here but we do]

  4. Chris, you're a glass-half-full kinda guy. :)

  5. And I don't know why we spell it "speel" either.

  6. I forgot about the going forward.
    Roll down the window and shout??

    Oh and I'm sorry to hear about your city losing your decorations. I always wonder about that, how cities can afford what they do. Of course, Rice Park has sponsors up the wazzoo for what they did and I believe it's almost all LED, not as much electricity. And we had that little political thing here a few months ago (the Republican National Convention) lol.

  7. My husband often accuses me of speeding up and honking when a disaster is heading my way. (I wish I could say that were untrue, but unfortunately... guilty as charged.)

    So, when I get my electric car (one day!) I'll just race around honking at everyone to make sure they see me coming.


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