October 19, 2009

Familiarity Breeds Contempt, Episode Three

You can call off the search and rescue teams, I'm still here. Thanks, Sproglet, for checking in on me. I have no particular excuses other than life in general has been keeping me from writing -- the writing that I love to do and would do all day long if I was master of my own time and space.

Today was my first day back at work in quite a few days. I've been sick and have had in-laws visiting. Since we are short-handed at work and Rob was out much of the week before I had moved to the front office where I could see the door. Now I'm in the habit of working here and my own desk is a mess and so here I sit.

The last few days Rob has been complaining that I'm no longer working in the same office he's in.  This is what we've done for the last 800 9 years for better or for worse. We like it in addition to it being a habit. We wear the habit like a nice pair of broken slippers, slippers that sometimes end up with an annoying rock inside it that has to be shaken out.

For example, a little bit of shaking has to occur when your husband accuses you of being "one of those embarrassing moms". Pshaw, yeah, seriously.  Me?  Surely not.

I like to crochet and knit. I will be the first to admit that sometimes crocheted things can be really cheesy if not done well. I know this first hand because when I was 8 or 9 years old I had a vest and matching hat made out of yarn and beer cans that my grandmother made for me. Being that young I thought they were really cool and wore them all the time. I had one of those mothers who apparently didn't care what her daughter was dressed in.  (Or worse, maybe she thought they were cool, too. Now that I think about it, that wouldn't surprise me.)

I recently ran across a tiny little crochet doo-dad that would make a really fun gift for Halloween. My brilliant idea was to make 20 or so of these for the kids in Julius's class. Because what kid doesn't want a crocheted fake candy corn, right? According to my husband, the answer to that rhetorical question is, "None of them."

And so right after I went skipping like an excited spring lamb into his office (which is usually OUR office) and asking him to check his email right away because I had something to show him, we had the following conversation.

Me: Go check your email right away. This is so cool.

Him: What is that?

Me: It's candy corn! Isn't it cute?

Him: Why are you sending this to me?

Me: Don't you read my email? I said at the top why I am sending it to you.

Him: You're standing right next to me.

Me: Okay, well anyway, I thought I'd make some of those for J's class for Halloween. What do you think?

Him: Um, no. If you want to be one of those really embarrassing moms, yeah.

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Crocheted candy corn? Nobody wants crocheted candy corn. Why don't you make them something really cool like the ghost?

Me: I don't want to make a ghost. I like the candy corn. It's cute. How can you not think this is cute?

Him: It's really easy. Look, I'm just trying to help you be one of the COOL moms. Do the ghost. Or the pumpkin. The candy corn is a triangle. The kids are going to say, "Why is this lady giving me a crocheted triangle?"

Me: It's not a triangle, it's candy corn.

Him: Kids are not nostalgic. They're six. Do the ghost. Or the pumpkin.
About 10 minutes later I walk past the door to the office and see him waving me in. He's got a funny look on his face. It turns out he has my mother on the speaker phone. He explains to her the situation and insists in a smug kind of way that she tell us her opinion. He does this because he is certain she will agree with him.

My mother, because of her religious convictions doesn't want me to do the ghost. I asked her, ghost aside, which is more cool, the pumpkin or the candy corn?

She says, "Honey, I'm afraid I have to agree with your husband. The pumpkin does sound cuter."

I said, "I knew you would agree with him. You two are just alike. That's why you don't get along, because you're just exactly alike."

Both of them were yukking it up mightily. Ironic since they never agree on anything unless it's to disagree with me. Mom mentioned it takes the two of them to gang up on me to keep me in line.

I said, "Well, fine then. Just remember the next time you two are fighting and want me to referee -- just remember I think you both deserve each other."

And now it's time for an opinion poll. Let me put you on the speaker phone with my mom and Rob. Here you go:


  1. I know I wouldn't want a candy corn. A pumpkin would be cooler ;)

  2. Ooookay, the candy corn IS cute, but I'm an old broad. LOL! The kids WOULD probably like the ghost first, and the pumpkin, second. But let's not kid ourselves. CANDY is always the best option!

  3. No No Don't Do Cute!

    Just a guy's opinion.

  4. It takes a lot for me to side with a husband over a wife but in this case . . . I'm with him. The pumpkin is better.

  5. Oh dear. At first I thought, "kinda cute little candy corn." And then thought of the options, and...*in very teensy, weensy whisper*...I have to go with the pumpkin. Sorry.

  6. I'm so glad you're back, but at the risk of having you slam the door in my face, I have to say that the crochet candy corn could go to the residents at the nursing home, and real candy corn for the kids. Or a crochet pumpkin or ghost for the kids.

  7. bake them something or buy them candy!

  8. Traitors, all of you! Rob is on the phone with his sister AS WE SPEAK canvasing for more anti-candy-corn votes.

    I'm going to find a pattern for crocheted COAL, cause that's what all of you are getting in your stockings this Christmas. :)

  9. *I* think it's adorable. But I am really, REALLY uncool. Therefore... yeah. Sorry. Cupcakes are cool. Make the candy corn for your girlfriends! (i'll take one, too!!)



  10. Wendy, I have to admit, I was all prepared to vote for you (even tho he called me JUST to get my vote)... but CROCHETED CANDYCORN??? I think maybe you should wait until you are feeling 100% and then re-think this. And remember; unless Julius attends class with very old men and women, this just isn't a good idea.

  11. If you're gonna crochet candy corns, you'd better be filling it with real candy corns.

  12. Oh Wendy, if you like to crochet you really need to check out the patterns at http://monstercrochet.blogspot.com/
    Check the sidebar. I really like the The Saw That Dripped Blood...Scarf Crochet Pattern and Severed Finger Crochet Pattern.

  13. Wew!! I haz a faymous!!

    *does a little dance*

    I think what you should do is give the candycorn a little face....then it's just as cute as the pumpkin!

  14. as a kid you should do the ghost the pumpkins look like apples

  15. I love candy corn.

    The kind you can eat.

    Ornamentationally-speaking, I'd go ghost first, candy corn second, and witch-on-a-broom-widda-cat, third.

    I threw that in there 'cuz I reckon it'd be a bugger to crochet, something ELSE I know nothing about, but I digress ;)

  16. Crochet coal? Hmmmm...that sounds like quite a yarn to me..

    *ducking boos and throwd crocheted candy corns*

  17. I'm sorry to do this...I think the kids would prefer a ghost or a pumpkin, just not the candy corn.

  18. I'm back for my second look, and you've put up the ghost and pumpkin...and I'm putting in my order for one of each! My 4 and 6 year old grandsons will love them, and I don't crochet. I'll send you my address, and think you can do the postage since they should fit right into a regular envelope.

    Oh, wait, this was supposed to be for Julian's class? Crap. I really wanted those.

  19. I love the fake candy corn....give them the real thing...real candy and lots of it. That's what will make you cool. Teeth-rotting, sweet sugary candy.

  20. I think it would be super cool if you made a bunch of candy corn and put it in a little basket or candy container for decoration in your home. I mean, rock on! It could be a FRONT PORCH prize.

    However, I really like the crocheted pumpkins for the kiddos...and you're already a cool mom regardless of what you decide!

  21. I love candy corn! But I would rather have a ghost or a pumpkin . . . :) Sorry . . . Can I get the pattern for that? LOL! btw, the beer can hat??? Wow. You should question your mom on that one.

  22. I love you Wendy but you are both wrong.
    This time of the year and all year kids want CANDY not any knit thing.

    They are only into the horrid little crafts they make. If you really want to be the cool mom go buy some cupcakes and take it to school for the class. You can even get some with pumkin designs on the front. LOL

    Don't hate me. LOL

  23. I just thought it was a hacky sack. So...no problem. What kid doesn't want a hacky sack?

    Put them all in a big basket next to another basket with baggies of the real thing, they'll make the connection, and think it's fun to try to put someone's eye out with the candy corn hacky sack.

    OOOOhhh...great idea! Make eyeballs!!!!

  24. I'm making pumpkins too. Embarassing or not, I think it's cute. My favorite patterns are here:


    and here


  25. I've celebrated enough classroom Halloweens to know that it's all in the presentation. The kids will love the candy corn, especially if you tie a little packet of actual candy corn to the top of it. OR if you spray it with candy-scented stuff. OR if you leave the top corner of it open and add a drawstring and stuff it with candy. OR if you play a classroom Halloween activity and make that the prize, then all the kids will want it, and they'll be disappointed when they don't win it, then SURPRISE there's one for everyone. Am I carried away? Yes. Goodbye.

  26. Hackey sack candy corn!!

    Ok I'm done.

  27. Love the pumpkins. Not sure what they'd make of them over here in the UK, but I think they're cute.

  28. Lets be honest. The kids could care less what you make. Unless it's edible, they won't be interested.

    Really what we're talking about here is impressing the other mom's with your mad skills.

    For that reason I say go with the pumpkin.

    It'll totally make the other mom's gag with jealousy.

  29. Sorry, candy corn is not cute - Ghosts would go over like gangbusters

  30. I don't know about the kiddie's opinions but I can guess crocheted candy corn might taste better than actual candy corn! I can't remember who it is I know that loves the stuff, but it makes me shudder :P Those overly sweet wrapped-so-tight-in-that-orange-and-black-halloween-paper-that-you-end-up-eating-half-the-wrapping type caramels, on the other hand? I'm all about those ;)

  31. To be perfectly honest (and at the same time manage to sidestep the whole candy corn vs. pumpkin/ghost issue) I have to agree with those that say the children are going to want sugary goodness, not crocheted things.

    But while my spouse and I were laughing hysterically at the whole post and several comments we both agreed that *the teacher* would probaly just adore a full set of all three! That way you can still turn all the other moms green with jealousy too! A perfect win all round!

  32. I know I'm way too late to chime in on last year's Halloween craft, but seriously, could you have really finished 20-something of any of them in 11 days?

    If you are plotting something like this for an upcoming holiday, it doesn't matter what shape you make the crocheted thing into, so long as you fill it with candy.

    And listen to Auntie's religious convictions on this one, cuz. Her opinion is not that far off from the Baptists who surround you. Better to go with the innocuous pumpkin (unless you want to fill the crocheted candy corn with real candy corn!)

    My mom and Charley are just alike too. What's wrong with us that we married men like our MOTHERS?


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