In winter, the red nandina keeps its leaves. It carries on as if the entire world around it has not closed up shop for the season, has not surrendered to the cold, invasive winds of winter, has not folded in upon itself and died until Spring's rebirth.
Inside the house a woman is dying. Nothing can be done.
I sit with her at a table in her breakfast nook. The kitchen smells like roast beef, but I know she did not make it. She is a stick woman with a bird-like hand that slowly moves a pen across the page before her. The signature. The one that gives her husband the right to conduct her business.
"She doesn't have her glasses," he says. "But I've marked the place with an X."
She has no trouble signing, but he asks if he should get her glasses for her. She slowly lifts her head up toward him, her icy stare filled with hate.
I am chilled and with my finger trace around a yellow flower on the printed table cloth. She slides the papers across to me and I afix my seal to them. And then we are finished.
"Her birthday was yesterday," he adds.
"Oh, Happy Birthday!" And then I realize it's a stupid thing to say to a woman who is dying. But I am no expert in this.
I am expert in other things, like placing a little stamp on a piece of paper so it's official and proper. I am expert in helping make things tidy for people who are dying or, more accurately, for the people who have to go on living.
In the car, I turn around in the driveway, a fancy paved one lined with the sacred bamboo. The chill winter wind flutters the red leaves, sways the long, graceful stems of the nandina. As I turn onto the street I realize the dying woman never spoke.
February 8, 2012
February 5, 2012
How to Make Hot Chocolate
On a very special occasion I will make myself a big steaming mug of hot chocolate. It's a very involved recipe that takes about an hour and requires 5-6 spoons.
It's a recipe that would never be used by single women with a higher capacity for concentration and a lower incidence of random chaos than, say, a mother of two boys.
If you'd like to use the method, I will describe it, but if you're a mom you probably already know it.
First you start with your 2nd favorite big mug. You don't use your 1st favorite mug because it's already been broken by your clumsy husband or one of your children who used it as a shovel in the backyard while you were in the shower.
Next, fill the mug with milk, preferably out of the jug that nobody has been drinking straight from. Any milk will do. Dose with a liberal amount of chocolate mix, until the milk turns chocolatey. Use twice as much chocolate if you have PMS. Or even Post-MS. Or because you just damn well feel like it. (If it's after noon you can add a splash of Bailey's Irish Cream or Kahlua. It will be our little secret.)
Stir well and put the cup in the microwave for one minute after ensuring that there is no food in there that someone forgot they microwaved and left in there overnight to spoil.
While the milk is heating, finish the load of dishes that is still in the sink, then remember you have to get the garbage ready for pick-up and when you get back in start a load of laundry.
Remember, suddenly, that your hot chocolate is still in the microwave and is now cold. Get a new spoon to stir it with because while you were out of the kitchen someone took the one you had set aside to use for your drink.
Put the mug back in the microwave and put it on for 30 seconds. While you wait, referee a fight your children are having and then notice that one of them has sprayed blue mouthwash all over the bathroom. Clean up the mouthwash.
Sit down for a while and see if you have any new shows recorded on the DVR. You'll remember again about the hot chocolate because that would go really well with the episode of Desperate Housewives you never got to watch.
By now the chocolate is cold, so you'll need to stir it again and reheat it, except you'll need a new spoon because someone has taken the last one you set aside for this purpose.
Put the mug back into the microwave and heat for 30 seconds. While you're doing that answer the phone and make a note that your mother needs you to make her two cups of rice. Feel proud of yourself that while you're talking you run back to the microwave just as the timer goes off. You didn't forget! Except the drink is still not hot enough. And the spoon is gone again. Get a fresh spoon, stir, heat for another 30 seconds.
While you wait, start the rice, this time not making the mistake that it's TWO cups of water to ONE cup of rice, not the other way around. Run to the bathroom for a quick pee before the microwave timer goes off and decide when you get back 5 seconds later before timer goes off (pulling your pants up as you race down the hallway) that you really are getting better at this.
The spoon is gone again, but it's okay because there is one clean one left in the drawer.
After testing the hot chocolate it's just about right, but in all the testing the milk level is down to only 3/4 full. Top it off, add more chocolate, reheat for another 30 seconds. While you stand in front of the door this time, realize that you forgot to set the timer for the rice. Do several algebraic calculations with the kids' fridge magnets, then set the timer for reasonable amount of minutes that you think will not result in a kitchen fire.
When the microwave timer goes off, remove the cup. Do not do the final stir because the spoon will be gone again and you're out of clean ones.
Sit down and relax near the closest fire extinguisher and enjoy your hot chocolate.
It's a recipe that would never be used by single women with a higher capacity for concentration and a lower incidence of random chaos than, say, a mother of two boys.
If you'd like to use the method, I will describe it, but if you're a mom you probably already know it.
First you start with your 2nd favorite big mug. You don't use your 1st favorite mug because it's already been broken by your clumsy husband or one of your children who used it as a shovel in the backyard while you were in the shower.
Next, fill the mug with milk, preferably out of the jug that nobody has been drinking straight from. Any milk will do. Dose with a liberal amount of chocolate mix, until the milk turns chocolatey. Use twice as much chocolate if you have PMS. Or even Post-MS. Or because you just damn well feel like it. (If it's after noon you can add a splash of Bailey's Irish Cream or Kahlua. It will be our little secret.)
Stir well and put the cup in the microwave for one minute after ensuring that there is no food in there that someone forgot they microwaved and left in there overnight to spoil.
While the milk is heating, finish the load of dishes that is still in the sink, then remember you have to get the garbage ready for pick-up and when you get back in start a load of laundry.
Remember, suddenly, that your hot chocolate is still in the microwave and is now cold. Get a new spoon to stir it with because while you were out of the kitchen someone took the one you had set aside to use for your drink.
Put the mug back in the microwave and put it on for 30 seconds. While you wait, referee a fight your children are having and then notice that one of them has sprayed blue mouthwash all over the bathroom. Clean up the mouthwash.
Sit down for a while and see if you have any new shows recorded on the DVR. You'll remember again about the hot chocolate because that would go really well with the episode of Desperate Housewives you never got to watch.
By now the chocolate is cold, so you'll need to stir it again and reheat it, except you'll need a new spoon because someone has taken the last one you set aside for this purpose.
Put the mug back into the microwave and heat for 30 seconds. While you're doing that answer the phone and make a note that your mother needs you to make her two cups of rice. Feel proud of yourself that while you're talking you run back to the microwave just as the timer goes off. You didn't forget! Except the drink is still not hot enough. And the spoon is gone again. Get a fresh spoon, stir, heat for another 30 seconds.
While you wait, start the rice, this time not making the mistake that it's TWO cups of water to ONE cup of rice, not the other way around. Run to the bathroom for a quick pee before the microwave timer goes off and decide when you get back 5 seconds later before timer goes off (pulling your pants up as you race down the hallway) that you really are getting better at this.
The spoon is gone again, but it's okay because there is one clean one left in the drawer.
After testing the hot chocolate it's just about right, but in all the testing the milk level is down to only 3/4 full. Top it off, add more chocolate, reheat for another 30 seconds. While you stand in front of the door this time, realize that you forgot to set the timer for the rice. Do several algebraic calculations with the kids' fridge magnets, then set the timer for reasonable amount of minutes that you think will not result in a kitchen fire.
When the microwave timer goes off, remove the cup. Do not do the final stir because the spoon will be gone again and you're out of clean ones.
Sit down and relax near the closest fire extinguisher and enjoy your hot chocolate.
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