March 28, 2011

Please. Don't Help Me.

I was standing at the counter of a sandwich shop. I periodically scooted down the line as progress was made building my sandwich.

Scoot. Wait. Scoot. Wait.

Next to me was a woman who scooted alongside. We stood in silence. Every now and then I'd glance at her, every now and again she'd glance at me before we'd scoot some more.

After a while all that scooting got me down to the plastic cookie display. Before I got to that temptation I had already decided I needed some cookies because my mouth told me so. My brain didn't agree, but as is often the case, my brain was overrulled by my mouth so I ordered chocolate chip cookies from what looked like a 12 year old running the cash register.

My counter-companion scooted up next to me as I placed my cookie order and said, "Those are 225 calories a piece."

I looked over at her, my brows furrowed.  She'd just totally violated me with unsolicited information about a food product.  Not cool.   It's like telling someone who is about to eat a hot dog what's actually in the hot dog.  Or telling someone buying Coke about the news feature you just saw last week about how carmel coloring causes cancer.

What would possess a person to tell the chubby chick the caloric content of the cookie she just ordered? That's just downright hostile if you ask me.

I stared at her for a few seconds trying to think of something really clever to say, but couldn't and was really disappointed.  Then I thought maybe I should just punch her in the mouth, but realized that was just me being cranky because I was down about 225 calories or so and just needed a little sugar boost to maintain my powerful mojo.

So, I just did my best to authenticate a chuckle and say, "Oh gosh, yes, and I'm going to love all 225 of them. And possibly 450 of them if I have two!"


  1. You Go Girl!!

    Counting calories can be a pain but *I* certainly don't need unsolicited help in doing so, either.

    If it happens again just speak your mind. "Unsolicited advice is rude and pretentious. And yet you did just that."


  2. Yeah, except then I can't actually GIVE any unsolicited advice as I'd be hypocritical. That's not a bridge I want to burn, cause I just can't help myself! :)

  3. Whatever possessed that woman?!

  4. That is so rude and nasty! I might have kicked her in the chins!

  5. Seems like you are not the only one with a willful mouth! :-)

  6. Don't you just hate it when you can't come up with something suitably passive-aggressive on a moment's notice?

    I think your response was just about perfect.

  7. That was a perfect response. I would have still been standing there with my chin on my chest.


  8. Whenever folks tend to stick their noses into my buisness unasked, I stare them down, one eyebrow arched in a Spock-like expression, as if to say, "and when I decide to care, I shall let you know."


  9. Wasn't Sonny Bono the mayor of Carmel Coloring?

  10. Nah I would of punched her in the mouth and then said "you know missing teeth are actually a sign of GETTING PUNCHED IN THE MOUTH!"

  11. Chris, yes and you can see how that worked out for him.

    Loredana, you are just about the naughtiest girl I know!

  12. As a repressed and proud of it English woman, I salute you. I only wish to speak to strangers if they have a letter of introduction from their vicar. Sadly a great many people ignore this and proceed to tell me all about their intimate illness'and private lives, Note I wrote private which is how I feel it should STAY!

  13. LOL! Too funny. I was at a salad bar once and a woman said "wow, thats a big salad!".. I wanted to smack her.. big time.

  14. LMAO! i could totally feel the sheer shock of her comment.. what NERVE! wow peeps are rude these days! sure hope you enjoyed 450 cal!! :)

  15. Wow... I agree with job hunter, I would've bought three but before I walked away, I would've shoved all three in my mouth then thank her for the information.

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