February 8, 2010

The P-Bomb

Recently on the phone my mother admonished me about my children's prolific use of the word "penis."

"You know you will be sorry one day about that word. One day they will use it in a way that will completely embarrasses you to death. Then you'll wish you'd never gotten that started."

I sat for a moment, bewildered. "Got what started? What was I supposed to do... pretend there isn't a word called 'penis'? Are we supposed to call it a 'wee wee' or 'weenie' or 'pee pee' or 'wing wang' or... or... well, you get what I mean."

"Well, I don't know, but you just mark my words. You'll see."

* * *

The other day I was on the phone with a client discussing her impending closing which wasn't going very well. It's been a very long, protracted transaction full of twists and turns, bumps and bruises. My children were babbling in the background as usual. One of my ears was tuned into her, the other was listening to the Charlie Brown "wah wah" of my children droning.

As my client took a deep breath to launch into another paragraph of things that were not going well I heard, "Wah wah wah wah wah wah PENIS wah wah wah PENIS..."

And then I heard my client says, "Oh."

To which I responded, "Um, yeah. Sorry."

* * *

The boys and I were on our way home at the end of the day. One of the things I really enjoy about my oldest son is that he frequently has interesting observations about the world around him.  I love getting his perspective about the things he is learning and am often amazed at his notice of many things I take for granted. Child development is fascinating.

This particular day he was discussing the movie Avatar. We've not seen it yet as he is still 6 and isn't allowed to see PG-13 movies at the movie theater. (Sometimes he is allowed to watch PG-13 movies on video if his dad or I have pre-screened it.)

Julius said, "Mom, did you know what the guy who made that movie saw the whole thing in a dream he had -- the whole movie in one dream?"

"You mean he dreamed it and then made the movie?"

Julius nodded. "Yeah, that's what I mean."

"Huh. I didn't know that.  Where did you hear about that?"

"I saw it on Oprah."

I glanced in the rear view mirror. "When were you watching Oprah?"

"Sometimes I watch it with Dad in the afternoon when he watches it."

I cracked completely up at the image of my husband and son sitting around the house in the afternoon with their feet up watching Oprah. I made a mental note to myself to mock my husband about it at the first opportunity.

Suddenly, Tristan, who had been silent the entire time, pipes up.  Looking over at Julius he says, "Stop talking to me."

I laughed even harder and Julius started laughing, too.  He said, "Tristan, I'm not even talking to you. Nobody is talking to you."

Tristan said, "Stop talking, penis head."

Man, I hate it when my mom is right.


  1. That's hilarious! My mother is always right too... I've yet to admit it to her face....

  2. My three-year-old grandson is using the penis word now too. It's the age. It will pass--I hope!

  3. Meh. Oprah's not that bad. I remember when I was a little kid and my mom used to watch Phil Donahue surreptitiously -- like she was bingeing on chocolate cake.

  4. I would actually pay to be a fly on the wall in your house!!

    Your kids sound incredible :D

  5. Ha. Boys will be boys and use words that turn our ears red. I don't look forward to it.

  6. I live in fear of the day when I get that as a comment on my blog. "Stop talking, penis head."

  7. My grandson's the same age, and penis seems to be the word of the day. The four year old is still on 'poop head'. The trick is to let them know that you try not to say things in public that they can at home. If you flip out when they use certain words, they'll use them more and longer!

    And be glad that they weren't saying " wa wa wa PRICK wa wa wa PRICK"!

  8. Moms are always right---eventually.

    Well, heck, you know that. You're a mom, right?

  9. I think penis sounds better than some of the others and he was going to say something so it might as well be penis.


    Word verification: uflog

  10. Ah, but it will be YOUR turn, one fine day, to see one of your admonitions to the future fathers (now your lads) be blown off, only to come to "told ya so" fruition ;)

  11. That's too funny. At least the second incident was in the car. You have a great story to tell their future wives.

    My word verification was slyzemen.
    Sly men?


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