November 16, 2009

A Day in the Life...

Here is a cross section of one of my days from last week.  I would describe this day as fairly typical.

The frantic hollering begins as I try to get two kids and myself ready to be out of the driveway in half an hour. This doesn't even include breakfast as both my kids get fed breakfast at their destination.

Tristan hides behind bed so I can't find him to put his clothes on.  Within moments he is found and begins screaming as I drag him out by one foot. This would be hilarious if it were anyone else's son.

Julius claims he has nothing to wear. I ask him how he can say that when all four drawers are crammed to the top with clothing items. He says none of the clothes are cool enough. I ask him how cool it will be when I drop him off in just his underwear.

Julius manages to find something to wear.

Beaming proudly, I am thrilled we are on schedule as I load everyone and everything into the car. That's when I realized the car has the first icing over of the season. Also, my oldest son doesn't have on his jacket. While I'm putting Tristan in the car seat I hear a big THUMP and realize that the noise is Julius smashing a rock down on my windshield to break the ice. I'd like to say that I calmly explained to him using simple physics what a bad choice that was and the ensuing consequences, but that's not the way it happened.

We make it out of the driveway, sullen and joyless with Tristan repeating over and over, "Joowus, make bad choice..."

Tristan dropped off at daycare. Typical day consists of him clinging to me and screaming, "Don't weave me, Mommy!" That day he discovered his friend Carson was there and hugged my leg and said, "Bye bye Mommy!" summarily dismissing me in favor of his friends. Huh.

Mom calls with a frantic, "WHERE ARE YOU?" I tell her and she said there is a big accident on the mountain south of me and she wanted to be sure I wasn't in that accident. She calls Rob to make sure he is okay. (He is.)

Nearly perfect cup of tea. Perfect would be half-n-half instead of milk.

Found out Donald Harington died. He was my favorite art history professor in college and I love his books. He's not very well-known, but has a strong cult following among fans. Decided to plan pilgrimage to Drakes Creek.

Meeting with clients to plan strategy for next door neighbor property acquisition. First time I had been back to their house since oil and gas well started going in next door. How can progress be so great and also suck so bad?

Realize my hair has static cling. Very annoying and I can't make it stop.

House showing. Owner changed locks and forgot to tell me. Key doesn't work. Customer has really nice booty packaging.

Awesome husband brings me authentic mexican food from Reyes Market who just started making lunch recently. Too much cilantro. I hate cilantro. Next time it will be perfect without it. Yum.

Ate too much. Can't stay awake. Spend some time contemplating purchasing tickets to new powerball lottery so I can retire. You can't win if you don't play, right?

Decide to pick up Julius at school instead of letting him ride the bus because Rob has showings and won't be there to meet him. While waiting for him to get out of school I call my 3:10 appointment to confirm she will be meeting me and get yelled at by someone who claims to be her husband and wants to know what business I have calling her. I hang up on him. He calls me back. He demands to know who I am and what I want. I refuse to tell him in case he's an abusive crazy person that she is trying to get away from. He yells again that he is her husband and says she has been in an accident. I apologize, but am still suspicious. I tell him I'm sorry and hope she is better soon and I will call back later.

Julius is in the car and Rob is on the phone telling me not to go meet the clients because they might be crazy killers. (Based on my previous experience I know this could possibly be true.) I told him I would only go with him if it were the lady I talked to on the phone and would not go if her crazy screaming husband were there.

Waiting on client. Get a bad feeling that the husband was telling the truth. Call my mom who says I should call back and apologize and try to find out more. I call my nephew with the sheriff's department to ask about the accident this morning and see if he knows who it was. He doesn't. Called first responder friend who recommended I call a state trooper. Call state trooper friend and ask if he worked the accident my mom called about this morning. He did. Asked if one of the victims was named Karena. It was. I'm an idiot.

Julius is hungry. My wallet is in the other car. We scrounge enough change to get him a burrito and a drink. Head out to woods to get a picture.

Call babysitter when I realize I won't make it back in time. Ask her if it's okay if I can be late today. She says it's okay.

Rob calls to say he will pick up Tristan and take him on showing with him. Yay!

Julius and I practice our Scottish accents. He's great at it. I'm not.

Julius and I are winding our way through woods trying to find the property. I told him we were looking for "Midget Road" and he spit Pepsi onto the dash of the car. He thought I was making a joke. I wasn't. He asked why it was called Midget Road. No idea. He says he thinks it must be because it's a small road. Turns out there was a mailbox later we passed that said "Clifton Midgett".  County Judge's office spelled the road wrong. Figures.

Back out on the pavement. Flat tire. I know the theory of changing a flat tire but have never actually done it. Husband is not available. I begin to look for tools to change tire. Can't find them. Call friend who tells me to look in the door. Sure enough, secret compartment! Tricky automakers!

Call babysitter to tell her God was looking out for her by sending Rob to pick up my son. She agreed.

Begin the tire changing process.

Two deputies show up, courtesy of my mom who can't leave well enough alone. They pull up behind me while my butt is sticking up in the air and I'm looking under the car trying to figure out where the jack is supposed to go. Deputies take over tire changing process.

After much discussion as to why my car has a scissor jack instead of a bottle jack, vehicle falls off jack and starts to roll toward me and oldest son. One officer jumps behind vehicle as if he is superhuman and can fend it off with his body weight. I scream and tell Julius to RUN RUN RUN. Julius freezes and says, "What? What?" I knock him into the ditch with my superhuman-adrenalized-mom-strength. Brake drum lands partly on flat tire, partly in dirt. That can't be good. We all sit and stare and breathe heavy for about five minutes.

I tell Julius to go sit over by the fence out of the way. He doesn't want to do it because he's afraid he will be eaten by wolves. Go mighty cub scout.

Husband arrives to change tire because it still hasn't been changed at this point. Tristan hugs police car then runs screaming through pitch black night down the highway. I tackle him and drag him back to the car and put him in the car seat. Rob says to take him on home and he will follow later. I'm freaking out because I have a city council meeting in an hour.

Finally arrive back home and realize I don't have a house key because I'm using the spare set of keys. Have to pee really bad.

Rob arrives to let me into house in time to brush teeth, hair, brush off clothes from laying under the car, do some council paperwork. Find missing check crunched up in the bottom of an envelope. Money! Woot!

Make it to council meeting with a few minutes to spare. Everyone asks me if I found the missing check and have to make the embarrassing admission that it was there all along.

Home finally. Kids are all in bed. House is quiet. The only fix for a quiet house is a really loud video game in which I kill a lot of slimy mutants and save the universe. Which I do, until I end up falling over in a narcoleptic heap on the carpet in front of the TV.

In bed for real during which I have some strange and lucid dreams that I can't remember now. But they are almost always fabulous and satisfying and amusing.

And in the morning we start all over again. Yet another "typical" day in my life. And like my dreams almost always fabulous and satisfying and amusing -- even on the bad days.


  1. You keep telling me that your family is refusing to do anything funny, so you are running out of blogging material. This post just proves that you are so good you can make even a "normal" day seem hysterical! I almost shot Diet Coke through my nose when i read the random sentance "Julius and I practice our Scottish accents". You are the best, Wendy! I love you!

  2. I think my favorite part was where Julius thinks he's going to be eaten by wolves! At our house, it's coyotes! I'm always happy to read your blog...makes me feel good to know our family is as "normal" as yours! Our morning started with my (sick) husband having to rush out the door to go get the local radio station back on the air, yelling at the dog to stop carrying the kittens around, my daughter and I rushing out the door to get her to school, only to stop and go back into to look for her lost binder, which we never found. We forgot to give her some cough medicine, so I was going to give her some cough drops when we got to school, but we were so engrossed in a conversation about how 9-1-1 knows where you live, that I forgot. Now, just waiting for the school to call and say she's coughing too much. (No fever, just an annoying after-the-cold cough.)

  3. Phew! I got tired just reading it all. Re the hair static problem, try Bounce dryer sheets. Rub them everywhere you've got static, hair included. They really work!

  4. I'm pooped just reading about your Day!!

    Thanks for the chuckles.

  5. Now THAT would make a good reality show! LOL! I swear - you DO lead an interesting life, even if you don't think so!

  6. Wow. I really think that is all I can say. Wowy-freakin-wow. There much better. :)

  7. Oh man, I've had days like this! Minus the scottish accents, of course.

    And I'm impressed you even attempted to look for the hidden tire-changing tools. I think I would have just sat in the car and cried until someone came to help me.

  8. Haha .. I hope Karena was all right, but I find it humorously ironic that she was injured in the accident your Mom was worried you were in. You have the funniest karma.

  9. Omgosh. Too much in one day. Sorry about your professor but glad u put in the link. I will check it out. Love your mom and I hope the client was ok.


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