So I'm standing at the counter figuring out all the nuances of this water filtration system that I know she will hate. Tristan is sitting on the floor nearby with
Brutus Blogger the cat. I hear Tristan say, "Wass dat?"
My mom said, "Well, that's the cat's private parts."
I glance over to see Tristan bent down with his face very close to the back end of the cat.
"Mom, you can tell him those are testicles. It's fine. We like to use the regular names for everything." Boy do we ever. Penis penis penis penis.
She says, "Oh, okay," then adds, "Tristan, those are his testicles."
I helpfully added, for context, "You have some of those, Tristan, all boys have them." To which I appended in my head, "Well, MOST boys have them, although I've met a few who act like they DON'T have them..." I figured that was a more abstract and complicated conversation than he could handle at his age.
Julius cannot resist a conversation about body parts and immediately saw his chance to jump in. "Yeah, Tristan, you have them, I have them, Dad has them. All boys have them. Here... come into the bathroom and I will show you."
To which my mom and I in unison shouted, "No!"
"Jules, he can figure it out for himself," I said.
Mom added, "Yeah, Tristan, when you go home you can look at yourself in the mirror."
"Oh, good. Thanks, Mom, now he's gonna be getting naked and staring at himself in the mirror." I finished soaking the filter and washing all the filter parts. Julius fell to the floor laughing.
"Well, he can you know."
Tristan pointed to the back end of the cat again, "Dat Bwootus tentacles."
Still laughing hysterically, Julius says, "Mom, he said tentacles!"
I grinned and nodded. Euphemistically accurate if you think about it.