July 24, 2009

Mrs. Doolittle

My mom's cat Brutus Blogger has been missing for a week. Mom was over for dinner during which she discussed with us several theories that might explain his absence.
Me: He's probably just out exploring the woods or maybe he got hurt a little bit. He'll wander back, I'm sure.

Mom: No, he's too devoted to me. He's by my side every minute of every day. Nothing can keep him from me. He's dead. I know he is.

Julius: Brutus is dead??

Me: We don't know that, honey. Grandma is just concerned because he hasn't come home.

Mom: I'm sure something got him.

Rob: What could get him out there? A bobcat or what?

Mom: Well, a fox could get him. He's probably too small to pick him up completely in his mouth, but he'd pounce on him and grab him and then drag him across the ground between his legs into the woods.

Rob: Let's not go into such graphic detail in front of Julius.

Mom: He's a big boy, he can take it. It could have been a hawk.

Rob: A hawk could not pick that cat up.

Mom: We have some pretty big hawks out there. And sometimes they work in tandem. Three of them working as a team could probably get him.

Rob: Hawks working as a team?

Mom: They do that you know.
I think that was about the time Rob probably wandered off because it was getting a little bit weird.

The next day I was on the phone with Mom who mentioned the cat had wandered back home about 10:15PM. He came from the north, she said, as if that was somehow significant. He wasn't hurt, in fact he was quite fat and seemed happy she said.

We speculated on the following scenarios:
  • He was vacationing at a neighbor's house, the big user.
  • Someone found him and thought he was lost and kept him in their house. "People do that, you know, when they are trying to acclimate a cat to stay with them. It's recommended."
  • He accidentally got locked in a shed or garage. "He's nosey. Of course, if that happened he'd probably be skinny. Unless there were a lot of mice in there."
  • Someone locked him into their shed on purpose BECAUSE there were a lot of mice in there. "And then they could have let him out when he'd gotten them all."
  • Julius suspected the cat has a new girlfriend and perhaps they went on vacation. He thinks they walked to New York City or perhaps Hollywood.
I could see we were getting pretty far afield, so I reined her in by telling her I was glad he was back. She seemed a little miffed that he might possibly be disloyal by vacationing with a neighbor.

She finished off her story by telling me about how they went down by the creek to work and found two baby deer there. She said they sat very still and watched the deer who didn't seem to mind being watched since they were babies and didn't know any better. She said another older deer came up and was eating nearby. The birds kept chattering at her as if to tell her there were humans nearby. Everytime the birds chattered the deer would look over in mom's direction. Finally they all ran off.

She said, "They have a communication system among themselves, these animals. It's a secret language where they warn each other about danger."

The fun thing about my mom is that she has an interesting perspective on the world around her. Although, it DOES concern me about how far these ideas and theories could eventually go. Today it's secret communication between birds and deer... what will it be tomorrow?

Maybe how Vicks Vaporub can cure cancer? (Oops, been there.) How zinc cures gray hair? (Covered it.) That the answer for every childhood disciplinary problem is the flyswatter? (Possibly covered more than once.) She has opinions on aliens, medicine, law, cooking, animals, child rearing, how to save money, and how the world is going to end.

What scares me more than some of her outlandish theories is that sometimes she's actually RIGHT.


  1. Lordee, Lordee,, yours was first blog that I ever "favortized". It is still at the top for more reasons than one. Lordee, Lordee,,keep it up. I knoww I need them,, lol

  2. Glad Blogger made it home safely!! I always love your posts!

  3. Wendy, I always say how I love your posts about the boys. I should just say I love all of your posts. Your mom sounds like a real character. Also, sorry I'm just now getting around to it, but thank you for the nice comments you left about my date night pictures.

  4. as usual, your mom's theories never fail to entertain... thanks! :D

    have a great weekend!

  5. I personally love the stories you tell about your mom!
    My grandmother was once convinced that soap was out to get her. *sigh* I sure do miss her.

  6. Glad your mother's cat came back home. I know I get worried when Smidget (my cat) doesn't come back home as soon as I think he should. Have a great day.

  7. Woah graphic indeed! My mother sued to tell my brothers to not jump on the bed, quote: "because you'll fall off and crack your head open on the corner and split your skull everywhere and end up in a wheelchair with a feeding tube" end quote.

    Thankfully, they stopped, not because she said so but because they had to stare dumbfounded at her with their little jaws hanging. I half expected one of them to say "Lady, calm down!"

    I'm still glad the cat was found though, and not whisked away by a gang of conspirating birds.

  8. I won't bother commenting on teams of hawks

    But I bet the Brute Blogger was checking out some females . . . male cats (even neutered) will spend a week away in the vicinity of a female cat in heat -maybe he was checking on his prospects and a neighbor fed him or left food out for other cats

    Birds do "talk" to other animals - there are some fairly universal "Danger" noises-like short sharp noises - that birds and squirrels make and deer and other critters recognize it. They would make it in the area around your mom so the deer would know which way the danger lies


  9. I love your family conversations- Isn't it great where they can wander?
    My daughter posts some random conversations on her journal, and seems to like the ones where I'm not paying a lot of attention to what's going on:
    (I'm Mom here)

    Ameranth: I could be the Dalai Lama.

    Mom: There are a couple of problems with that. One, you'd have to be male. And two, you have to do something really great when you're small, then they come and take you away.

    Ameranth: Well damn. I'm too old to do anything great.

    Mom: Well, in this life anyway.

  10. We live a block from the edge of our small town. One of the male/neutered cats that we had was often seen a mile out of town. Our neighbor said that he was at their house regular, killing mice in their garage. He went out one day and never came back. Not a clue what became of him.

  11. Ha - maybe they went to Vegas - I hear they have a lot of all you can eat buffets.

  12. Your mom sounds like she is a fountain of knowledge!! And totally fun to be around.

    Oh, and I tried my hand at some open letters....I posted them on my blog....not as funny as yours, but it was fun writing them!

  13. Well, at least we know where you get some of that creativity.
    Your mother is a hoot.
    I'm glad the cat returned. Everytime that's happened to us the outcome wasn't quite so happy.

    The kids and I have the spiel we do about our cat, Helen. She's this dainty little calico thing and we imagine what sort of secret life she may be living. e.g. little cat motorcycle gang, cat sized pack of smokes, cat sized black leather motorcycle jacket, and a T shirt that says "I do my own stunts"
    I don't know who has more fun with it, me or the kids.

  14. You KNOW Mom's ALWAYS know best! That's what I keep telling my grown daughter! LOL!

    Her cat probably wandered away for a little (cue in porno music) "fun", wink, wink.

  15. Maybe he just felt like a little 'me' time. A chance to put his feet up and relax. We all get like that.

    And mothers are always right about everything. It's in the genes.

  16. Your Mom sounds a scream! She must be very entertaining to have around. LOL!

    We had a cat that used to go missing now and then. Often she did used to get shut in a shed - or a builder's yard office which was across the road. I don't think they shut her in deliberately though she was a great mouser, because we used to call the foreman out on a Sunday to come and let her out. ;)

  17. my mother handled disciplinary issues with a backscratcher. it would be interesting to compare notes on flyswatters and backscratchers.

  18. I'm thinking you got your knack for story telling from your story telling mother. (The only thing my daughter got from me is a marker for hashimoto's thyroiditis.)

  19. Brutus/Blogger may just be off visiting a computer, and crafting his own blog on "Things I've Learned From Mom". ;)

  20. uh-oh. I'm guessing, since this precedes the tentacles post, that he came back, right?


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