July 17, 2009

Let's Work This Out

[Thanks, Jane, for thinking my blog is "f-ing fabulous"!]

I don't really understand the relationship between my sons (aged 6 and 2). There are things they do that make me come completely unglued and my husband claims that I have to just "let it go" because "that's how boys are" or it's some kind of thing between brothers.

Well, I don't like it. And by "it" I mean the barbaric savagery like little Lord of the Flies vignettes involving hitting, knocking each other down and general sadistic funny-business.

Last night I was doing dishes and heard an enraged scream coming from the toddler. Apparently Julius had walked by where he was playing on the floor with some of his cars and kicked one of them away for no reason and it skittered across the kitchen. Tristan has a terrible, ugly, hugely monstrous temper -- the kind you see frequently displayed on shows like Super Nanny and Nanny 9-1-1. It's like I live in a reality show, only without hair and makeup and really nice sponsorships. Or really crummy sponsorships for that matter.

While Tristan was flopping around on the linoleum like a break-dancing fish out of water, Julius was being sent to a time out. Afterward, apparently feeling remorseful Julius came back into the kitchen and announced that he was resolved to be kinder to his brother and went to hug Tristan who had finally calmed down.

The hugging incident sent him off into a paroxysm of wailing. He came running to me, shrieking indignantly, "Julius HUG me!" He hates being hugged by Julius.

Julius, however, is a thinker and has persistence. Recently reformed by his time out, he still felt the need to show how much he's learned from the experience. He pulls two kitchen chairs out and turns them to face each other. "Sometimes," he says, "two people have to talk out their problems. Tristan, let's sit down here and talk about our problems."

Much to my surprise, Tristan agreed saying, "Okay." He climbed into the chair and sat facing Julius.

Julius said, "Okay, I know I was mean to you earlier and I just want to say I'm sorry about that and I will try to do better."

Tristan sat and stared at him for a moment and Julius prompted him. "Now you say something, Tristan."

Tristan looked over at the table where there was a very life-like miniature Brahma bull my mother had bought him. He picked it up and pointed to its underside and said, "Dat bull penis!"

Julius laughed so hard he rolled out of the chair.

Conversation over!


  1. Oh Wendy. I love your posts about the boys. Mine will be 4 soon and they have their own little language that I don't understand most of, but that's how they keep their 4 year old secrets. :o)

  2. I am perplexed by sibling skirmishes myself. I just don't understand it. At all. Probably because I was an only child. My husband assures me it's completely normal, but I still hate it.

    And of course! Penises are at the heart of every conflict resolution, aren't they???

  3. Hahaha...so funny! Problem solved!

    Humour is usually a good answer.

    I'm on a book recommendation roll so here is one "Mom, Jason's Breathing On Me" is fantastic, an easy read and has tips and some enlightenment. When I started implementing the suggestions the years of sibling bickering between my oldest two stopped almost completely within a month...my younger two do not bicker at all because I got to them early.

    Worth a read.


  4. I struggle with this at home as well. My boys are 10 and 6, and I just cant understand why my 10 year old would want to argue with a 6 year old?

  5. Ha Ha Ha! I laughed so hard at the end I almost peed my pants. What a conversation conclusion!

    Thanks for sharing!

  6. I love it! You have soooo much fun ahead of you--at least most of it will be fun.

    I raised two boys who were 18 mos. apart. They fought often, but they also were and still are very close. Now they live about 15 minutes apart and both have sons of their own. They often do dads and sons things together!

  7. Proof positive that boys ROCK!

    Thanks for the Friday laugh :)

  8. I hate to tell you this, but it won't get any better as they get older.

  9. MOM! Isaac is LOOKING at MEEEE! MOM!, Cameron is SINGING! MOM!!!!!!!
    *sigh* that's when they were in their 20's...good luck *LOL*

  10. DELIGHTFUL!!! LOL at Tristan's last comment. You have wonderful children. Have a great day.

  11. I, too, almost fell out of my chair. VERY funny, Wendy!

  12. Talk about penises always makes things better between boys. Girls don't go around yapping about boobs, but somehow genital-talk never fails for our male counterparts. How strange boys are. How colorful.

  13. Um, did you visit my house and I wasn't aware? EVERY. STINKIN. DETAIL. you got it perfectly right!! From one who picks on the other, to the hug that sends one over the edge to the chat that ends in giggles over body parts or functions!! Yep, thats me and my two at my house :) Next time you visit could you bring wine?

  14. OMG, that is hilarious!!

    My girls, teenagers now, used to get into some horrible, awful fights, throwing things at each other, or hitting each other with wooden spoons or whatever else was handy. It always tore me apart, but as they've gotten older their fighting has ceased being physical, thank goodness. Hopefully your boys will grow out of it to.

    Oh, I have an award for you at my writing blog:

    Your Blog is F-ing Fabulous!

    Have a wonderful weekend!


  15. Priceless!
    Let bygones be bygones, dat bull penis.
    Your family is awesome.

  16. Oh, and I hate that evil bickering at our house, too.

  17. Your boys do sound wonderful. I must try to end my arguments with M. DeFarge in a similar way.

  18. Oh so great! Hey, you should check out books by John Eldredge. He has an incredible take on raising boys to men and girls to women!

    I must say -- you are doing something right, sister. Oh that Julius!!!

  19. Tristan has a future as a negotiator ;)

  20. That's pretty awesome. xD

    But Julius is really thoughtful for his age.

  21. Hahahahaha! Typical boys, I would say!

    Justin probably knew perfectly well that the hug would set Tristan off again. Trust me, I know. I had two boys four and a half years apart. Your husband is right - sometimes boys just do these things, and it's my considered opinion that it's natural and normal for them to act out minor forms of terrorism and warfare - though we can't, of course, let blood be shed, or things to escalate beyond the usual horseplay.

    I think it's the testosterone talking, and they need to learn how to manage it. One way to do that is with all this practice on each other. However it may be, my boys are now well into their twenties, and though I never thought I'd see the day, are actually quite good friends and behave quite sociably together!

  22. LLOL. THAT'S what happens when you do something silly like try and reason with a toddler! I'm impressed with Julius, though. Are you sure he's not an alien?

  23. Oh MY WORD! What I have to look forward to in no time when Leighton starts talking! LOL LOL LOL Thank you for that funny thought. I needed that.

  24. Did Julius learn the two chairs routine from you and Rob? Did Tristan learn the bull's-penis-as-peace-offering trick from you grown ups?

    Also, you might have had 19,000 American visitors but have you had even ONE from Qatar?

    Oh. Apparently you've had 23. Hmm.

    DAMN. How can I leverage more Qataris over from your site to mine?

  25. I just sought this out to read it a second time and i again fell about laughing. Seriously funny. When it comes to kiddy time I cant wait to hear mine have conversations like these!!!


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