Let's Work This Out

[Thanks, Jane, for thinking my blog is "f-ing fabulous"!]

I don't really understand the relationship between my sons (aged 6 and 2). There are things they do that make me come completely unglued and my husband claims that I have to just "let it go" because "that's how boys are" or it's some kind of thing between brothers.

Well, I don't like it. And by "it" I mean the barbaric savagery like little Lord of the Flies vignettes involving hitting, knocking each other down and general sadistic funny-business.

Last night I was doing dishes and heard an enraged scream coming from the toddler. Apparently Julius had walked by where he was playing on the floor with some of his cars and kicked one of them away for no reason and it skittered across the kitchen. Tristan has a terrible, ugly, hugely monstrous temper -- the kind you see frequently displayed on shows like Super Nanny and Nanny 9-1-1. It's like I live in a reality show, only without hair and makeup and really nice sponsorships. Or really crummy sponsorships for that matter.

While Tristan was flopping around on the linoleum like a break-dancing fish out of water, Julius was being sent to a time out. Afterward, apparently feeling remorseful Julius came back into the kitchen and announced that he was resolved to be kinder to his brother and went to hug Tristan who had finally calmed down.

The hugging incident sent him off into a paroxysm of wailing. He came running to me, shrieking indignantly, "Julius HUG me!" He hates being hugged by Julius.

Julius, however, is a thinker and has persistence. Recently reformed by his time out, he still felt the need to show how much he's learned from the experience. He pulls two kitchen chairs out and turns them to face each other. "Sometimes," he says, "two people have to talk out their problems. Tristan, let's sit down here and talk about our problems."

Much to my surprise, Tristan agreed saying, "Okay." He climbed into the chair and sat facing Julius.

Julius said, "Okay, I know I was mean to you earlier and I just want to say I'm sorry about that and I will try to do better."

Tristan sat and stared at him for a moment and Julius prompted him. "Now you say something, Tristan."

Tristan looked over at the table where there was a very life-like miniature Brahma bull my mother had bought him. He picked it up and pointed to its underside and said, "Dat bull penis!"

Julius laughed so hard he rolled out of the chair.

Conversation over!