by Tristan
- Sit as close to the cat as possible without being actually on top of him and stare at him directly in the face.
- Tweak the tips of his ears frequently.
- Pull his tail.
- If you feel like sitting close to him is just not close enough, press both hands down on top of the middle of his spine until he's folded in half backwards. Do this until he meows really loud or until your mother screams, "STOP TRYING TO BREAK THE KITTY!"
- Pour his food into the water bowl.
- Pour his water into the food bowl.
- Frequently aerate his kitty litter with your bare hands.
- Scoop water from the cat's bowl into your hand, then gently apply it to the cat's back and sides, massaging the water into his skin and fur until he looks like a wet chicken or Billy Idol or until your mother screams, "STOP PUTTING WATER ON THE KITTY!"
- Run around the house after him and show him affection even if it looks like he's trying to get away from you by hiding under the bed.
- Wake your mother up at 4am and ask her where the cat is and insist that she find it so you can make sure the cat has the pleasure of your human company.
- Lock the cat in the bedroom where there is no litter box so you can be assured that you will always know where he is whenever you want to find him.
- Tell the cat "love you" frequently and tell your mom "love him" so she knows that when Grandma comes back in 1.5 weeks to get the cat that her life will be one filled with toddler tears and miserable wailing and numerous pleas for "kitty".
That is either one patient kitty, or he is just too weak from his injuries to put up a fight. Either way, it sounds like Tristan is lucky to still have all ten fingers.
ReplyDeleteNow that your family has the care and maintenance of cats down pat, I think you need one of your own to torment ... I mean to love!
LOL. My kids would add some: Hold the cat against its will to your chest for very long periods of time, while insisting she is happy there. Put the cat in the same room as the dog, of whom she is terrified, to encourage their relationship. Cut off all of the cat's whiskers (cuz they were getting long).
ReplyDeleteI have two cats and 4 children, and I can confirm that all of these are, in fact, the proper way that children take care of cats.
ReplyDeleteI knew the cat love was going to happen at your house when I read about the cat the other day. I am hooked to hear what happens next!
ReplyDeleteThat's it! I'm never having kids! :)
ReplyDeleteMy 2 year-old niece is the same way with my mom's dogs. The one dog seems to enjoy her company and the other one hides in terror.
Therefore, she doesn't come over to Aunt Amy's apartment. :) I have small dogs--she lives with BIG DOGS.
Yeah, locking the cat in a room without a litter box. Experiencing that myself this past week. Not a nice result.
ReplyDeleteAnd, to your previous post, I remember Ted Nugent well also. I think he lives in Texas now - and owns many guns and votes Republican. Who would have thunk?
Wendy, I bet you could AP (CLEP?) out of most of veterinarian school. Go for it! You've got the knack. I read your list to my cat and she just purred and purred.
ReplyDeleteThat gave me a hearty laugh. You must have one patient cat!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a cat lover so I'm good with all that.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Sounds like a cat is a really interesting addition to your life! :O
ReplyDeletei think you need to get a cat!
ReplyDeletethe water in the food bowl and food in the water bowl! my kids do that - it drives me craaaaaaazy.
i left an award for you on my blog!
Hahahahaha!! I bet the poor cat is counting the days! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI have cats and grandkids. I could visualize the entire sequence! Poor wittle kitty!
ReplyDeleteOMG! This made me laugh so hard I creid. My husband kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn't tell him. My daughter does all of these same things to our 3 cats and 2 dogs. Thanks for making me feel like I was not alone!
ReplyDeleteabsolutely and perfectly funny.
ReplyDeleteOMG I laughed so hard I cried !! loved your post..I am new to this blogging thing and you might be happy to know your blog was the first one i went to and i gotta say I made a very good choice I'll be stalking you (like you say) from now on. Btw my baby nikki does everything on the list and drives me nuts as well.
ReplyDeleteToo funny! I think anyone with kids and cats can relate! Great blog!
ReplyDeleteSounds like he has his cat-sitting skills perfectly honed. My cat terrorizes US, so I'm glad that your son is evening the odds in the cats versus people war. :)
ReplyDeleteHmmmm - Am I a bad mom? I encourage this rule "Run around the house after him and show him affection even if it looks like he's trying to get away from you by hiding under the bed." - largely because it actually encourages my boys to LOOK, instead of standing there and saying 'I can't find it mom!' But, then again, when we got the kittens, we did that to them. I think the kids might be nicer! lol
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