September 25, 2009

Can You Hear Me Now?

Tristan's speech is improving so much these days. It's really delightful to be able to have some almost-regular conversations with him. The other day he woke up and found me sitting on the couch, settled into my arms and we chatted about various important topics of life such as Spiderman's webs being sticky, Julius going to school and, once again, how my bra is constructed.

He is becoming increasingly aware of all the things around him and what they mean and what relevance they have on his life. This is one of my favorite times of the boys' lives when conversations start to happen and you can really TALK and communicate on a get-to-know-you level.  I love it.

Well, I mostly love it.

When I don't love it is when we are in a crowded Wal-Mart and we pass a big toilet paper display and Tristan says in his very loud, high-pitched voice, "DAT TOILET PAPER. YOU WIPE YOU BOTTOM, MOMMY, WIT DAT TOILET PAPER?"

I veer off quickly around the corner with the basket as he's waving his hands at the TP display and hiss under my breath, "Yes, toilet paper is for wiping bottoms. Very good, very good. Uh huh. Let's use a quiet voice now."

"WHY COME YOU USE A QUIET VOICE MOMMY?"

Oh, for the love of Pete. I'm not sure why I bother. Maybe because I don't want to talk about wiping my bottom with a whole bunch of other strangers standing next to the dairy aisle. Am I silly for thinking that's wrong?

The other time it becomes a problem is when the child likes to repeat the things you say.  This is something I've already been aware of because I have one older child, but as I'm creeping up on middle age I sometimes forget things.

In the toy section I wanted an excuse to hasten the process of selecting a toy. We had it narrowed down to 2-3 toys to choose from but he just kept insisting he needed all of them. Finally I said, "Look, you need to just pick one or we're leaving because Mommy has to go potty."  That seemed like a reasonable excuse for urgency.

"YOU NEED GO POTTY MOMMY????"

A man passing by with his basket glanced over at me to see if I was mortified. Resigned was really the word I would have chosen, so he had the decency to be completely embarrassed on my behalf. He scurried quickly away and disappeared as I waved to his retreating back.

"Yeah, okay, Tristan. You don't have to yell about Mom needing to go potty."

"WHY COME?"

"Because it's private."

"YOU GO POTTY IN PRIVATE?"

"Okay, we're really going now. Pick a toy, pick, pick, pick or I will pick for you or better yet we'll just leave with NO toy. I recommend you pick something right now."

And, smartly, he picked one and off I raced with one hand on the basket, the other waving around trying to distract him from looking around in case he saw more toilet paper or any other products that could somehow be turned into a loud conversation about my personal care habits.

15 comments:

  1. Childish innocence is always so endearing when it is someone else's 2yr old yelling about bodily functions.

    Thanks for the laugh today!

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  2. Hahahahahahahahahahaha

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  3. Oh Gosh, I remember those moments! That was laugh out loud funny!

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  4. Ahh the joys of having toddlers! Mine love to scream like I'm killing them when I tell them to pick or get nothing.

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  5. LOL, yes I almost forgot the repeater thing. Glad you enjoy the talk because we all know how strangely silent they can become later. :)

    My son makes it his personal mission in life not to speak to people other than his friends and me at home. With other adults I know his hands go in his pockets and his eyes to the ground.

    A why come would be fun now. LOL

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  6. Don't you just love it? Out of the mouth of babes as they say. You will remember this and laugh. I promise you.

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  7. As usual, Tristan has me in stitches this morning! Thanks for the laugh!

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  8. that is some kind of torture device

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  9. Timing is everything...just ask any stand-up comic ;)

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  10. Just wait til they're teenagers - then they do it on purpose! And no one thinks it's cute.

    I just discovered your blog as I was sifting through past Blogs of Note. I've come across a lot of "mom" blogs, but this is by far the best. I look forward to reading more.

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  11. Oh my gosh, hahah. I have a younger sister with Autism and she does stuff like that. :)

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  12. I bet you can't wait until he starts asking you about tampons, maxi pads, or condoms in public. That will make the toilet paper conversation seem like the good old days.

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  13. Oh, I did love the just talking phase with my boys! Yeah, sure they embarrassed me at times. No-one can embarrass you like your own children, can they?

    I can almost hear that totally unmuted little voice ringing out down those echoing aisles! LOL!

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  14. Gotta love the kiddies. And may I add . . . MIDDLE AGE?!?! You're all of what??? 25???

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