April 22, 2010
How NOT to Clean Your Bathtub
The quandary was what to use for cleaning supplies. I didn't want anything harsh on their skin, but I needed something with more oompf than water to get things sparkling white. I couldn't find baking soda anywhere in the house. Then I had this brilliant idea to use washing powder. It suds, it's a powder, so it might be slightly abrasive. I thought it was a perfect plan.
I took a big scoop in and sprinkled it around the tub and told them to rub it it all around. Then I went back into the kitchen where Rob was cooking to tell him just how brilliant I was. After I told him what I did he said, "That's really a bad idea."
"Why? No, it's brilliant."
"No, it's dangerous."
The man was trying to keep me down. "How is that dangerous?"
"Laundry soap is really, really slippery."
Just then we heard a loud crash in the bathroom and I ran down the hall to see who had fallen. Julius was lying in the bottom of the shower flopping around like a fish that had found his way into the bottom of a fishing boat.
"I can't get up," he yelled.
"Don't move, don't move. Just lie there a second and let me figure this out."
About that time Tristan started screaming, "IT BURRRRNS, IT'S BURNING MEEEEEE."
He tried to get up to show me where it was burning him and fell on top of Julius. I tried to pick him up and couldn't hang on to him because he was so slippery. Julius started flopping some more. Tristan kept crying.
"Okay, okay, lemme rinse you!" Finally I got him just unslippery enough that he could stand upright if he didn't move much. I rubbed him down and got all the detergent off of him, THEN realized how stupid this was beyond the slipperiness because of Tristan's chronic exczema.
So, after nearly knocking one child unconscious and giving the other one chemical burns I got them both out of the tub, dried off and dressed. They looked relaxed, recovered and we all stood and admired their handiwork. The tub was perfectly clean and fresh.
As we walked out of the bathroom and turned out the light, Julius said, "That was fun. We should do that again."
I said, "Oh no, definitely not."
And Tristan said, "Yeah, das bad idea."
[photo by Tricky]