It was one of those mornings when my husband was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep while I was getting ready to go. The laundry was piled up and I was having trouble finding a shirt I liked because all my favorites were dirty and the ones that were left were either not comfy or Rob hates them. He frequently hates my clothes. I'm the worst dressed person in the universe. And, honestly, I'm not saying that because I have poor self-esteem. I really do dress dress badly. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you the same thing.
So I remark to him as he's lying there with his eyes closed pretending to be asleep, "Well, I'm sorry honey, but I'm going to wear this shirt you hate because I don't have anything else to wear."
He opens one eye and looks at the baggy orange shirt I'm waving around and mumbles, "Oh, how bout you just go au naturale?"
"Oh yeah, that'll be great for business. They'll be lined up out the door to see that. Good for the AMBULANCE business when everyone dies of fright and they have to come get them."
"Aw, sweetie, that's not true at all..."
Doesn't he do it just right? He understands how it works... the woman makes a disparaging remark about herself, then the man heaps compliments on her illustrating just how wrong she is and enumerating all the ways she is fabulous, wonderful and the only woman in the world worth having (for him).
I beamed. "Okay, well, you're right. I'm too hard on myself. They wouldn't die, but maybe just fall into a coma."
He nestled himself further under the covers, snuggling his fluffy pillow. "No, I meant, it wouldn't be busy because we have such a crappy ambulance service they would never get here."
"Oh, that's what you meant??"
He rubbed his face around in the pillow beaming with snuggle-satisfaction and emitted a muffled, "mmhmmmf."
"Thanks a lot."
"You're welcome," he said as he drifted off to sleep.
So, tomorrow the re-training begins!
Better option: bury face in pillow and act comatose ;)
ReplyDeleteI love when you share your conversations! You two are hysterical!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of those "Nut'n Honey" ads -- the husband would say say something outrageous under his breath and then point to the cereal box.
ReplyDeleteAt least your guy is wittier!
Loved this post! So like the conversations J and I have at times.
ReplyDeleteSounds exactly like something LBeau would say.
ReplyDeleteThat was cute! I love his sense of humor; and yours for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteBaha. That's great.
ReplyDeleteI recommend a little tough love. You can't be easy on husbands, you know. Once they get to thinking they can get away with this stuff, you don't know where it will end!
ReplyDeleteI think you should start wearing the orange shirt on a daily basis. Maybe even to bed. LOL!
Great conversation! Sounds like something that would be said around here.
ReplyDeleteLet me know how that training goes. Although I've heard that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and my dog is pretty old.
ReplyDeleteMen. You hereby have permission to punch him.
ReplyDeletehaha! Reminds me of when I told my husband that I wanted to lose weight. I told him that every morning I wanted him to roll over and tell me to get my fat butt out of bed. Ya know to motivate me. So the next morning he rolls over and tells me to get my fat, disgusting, nasty butt out of bed. I was like HOLD on a minute, that is NOT what I told you to say!
ReplyDeleteHe's lucky you didn't use that pillow to suffocate him! : )
ReplyDeleteThanks! I was literally laughing out loud! (I know I could just write LOL but sometimes I write that and I did not HONESTLY LOL--this was a true LAUGH out LOUD)
ReplyDeletetoo funny... loved this!
ReplyDeletemen. can't live with 'em. can't kill 'em. legally, anyways.
ReplyDeleteHe he he, it sounds to me like he knows exactly what you want to hear, and knows that he can totally get you riled up for not saying it.
ReplyDeleteMy guy would do that too :D
But he called you sweetie. That's better than babe.
ReplyDeleteAnd are his clothes so perfect? (except I suspect they are, you wouldn't let him look anything other than clean and neat). But I think and orange t-shirt might scare anyone.
ReplyDeleteyeah. he sounds completely normal. Was it a sitcom I saw once where the woman says: "does this dress make me look fat?" and the man says: "it's not the dress..."
ReplyDeletecan't wait to read more of your stuff. very cute! good memory for dialogue...but, girl, burn the clothes and get some good fitting tops in black, white and beige!!!
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Val
The last sentence leaves the reader wondering what nest. Great way to build tension :).
ReplyDelete