June 5, 2012

The Church of the Good Neighbor

I’m starting my own religion.

How presumptuous of her, you might be thinking.  It’s not, really.  It’s more a matter of pragmatism.

You see, for years I have been bothered by the fact that very little about religion makes sense. 

I was raised to believe that Christianity is the “right” religion.  That God is an old white guy who sent his son down to die as a sacrifice to save all of humanity from our imperfections. Setting aside how illogical that is, Christianity is a relatively young religion. Why is it “right” when we have all these old religions that came before it? What is wrong with those religions?  Just because they are old doesn’t mean they are bad.  I use dinnerware from the 1950’s and it does the job and looks good doing it.

And then there is the matter of religious dogma. In one Christian religion I’m supposed to only wear dresses. Or not use a car.  Or eat meat.  But in other ones it’s okay.  And in some I can use birth control and in some I can’t.  And in some it’s okay for leaders to molest children and then other leaders cover it up.  Some religions say I am going to burn in hell forever if I’m bad. Some just say, “Meh, when you’re dead you’re dead, but boy are you going to miss out on some good stuff when we’re all resurrected to Paradise Earth.”

(And as a side question... if you’re picking a church, why would you pick one that believes in hell when you can pick another church that doesn’t and still be just as Christian?)

If we’re all reading from the same bible, can’t we all somehow agree on what the book actually says?  And why do some Christians conveniently say, “Oh, ignore that part. It’s null and void.”  And some don’t agree with the null and void thing at all.

But the thing that really gets me is the hypocrisy. It states very clearly in the bible that you’re not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, but a lot of people do it. And religious leaders says, “Well… we’re weak, we’re sinners. Come in on Sunday and we’ll kind of give you this little chore to do that makes you feel bad and unworthy for 10 minutes and you’ll be forgiven until you do it again and then just come back next Sunday. Let’s do this as often as you can and if you time it right and you’re forgiven just before you die it’ll probably work out okay.”  Unless it doesn’t. Then you’ll burn in hell forever. Unless you go to a church that doesn’t believe in hell. 

(I think the reason they do that is because if you tell them nobody can have sex, nobody will come to church. Except the Catholics.)

I could go on, but to spare you my ranting I’ll get right to my proposal. I say let’s start a new religion that has a very simple set of commandments that are easy to remember and easy to follow.  In fact, let’s boil it down to one commandment.  Surely everyone can remember that.  Here it is:

BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR

Be a good neighbor. That’s it?  No, really.  That’s it.  It’s elegantly simple. All things can be measured by the good neighbor rule.

Would a good neighbor sleep with your wife? No. Would a good neighbor borrow your lawnmower and not return it?  No.  Would a good neighbor steal from you or murder you?  No.

Would a good neighbor feed you if you were hungry?  Yes.  And you, as a good neighbor would not take advantage of his kindnesses.  If you borrow his car you would fill up the tank when you returned, maybe even wash it or vacuum it out.

And “neighbor” can be defined broadly. There is the literal sense of me living next door to you in houses on the same street. But it’s scalable.  When I sit next to you in the movie theater I am your neighbor. America is the neighbor to Mexico and Canada. Earth is a neighbor to Mars which, by the way, is why we should stop dumping our trash out into space.

If we have a problem with each other we work it out like good neighbors. Or we ignore each other and do our best to live with it. We should not roll around on top of each other in the lawn and black each other’s eyes as if we were 10 years old and unable to control ourselves.

Idealistic? You betcha. I’m not afraid to be idealistic because someone has to start this church and it might as well be me. I am 100% certain that I can be a good neighbor. If I can get you to commit to being a good neighbor that’s two of us. And then if we do it again that will be four of us.  And if we keep doing that, who knows what kind of delightful madness will ensue.

And then a thousand or two years from now when they dig up our homes and study the beginning of this new Golden Age of Reason they will make up stories and theories about how it all began and some college student will write his doctoral thesis on Fred Rogers, the Patron Saint of the Church of the Good Neighbor.
 
They won’t remember you and me, but who cares.  We’ll enjoy each other’s company in the meantime.

33 comments:

  1. ,,interesting,, lol,,, you didnt mention anything about you taking up a "collection" did'ja? Let us hear more about this, "Neighbor". Your welcome to drop by my blogsite and FB...drop a comment and see who "hollers" lol,, thanks, Glenn

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    1. See, you're on the right track, Glenn. Neighbors visit other neighbors!

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  2. Sounds like a great idea, and simple; if only it would work.

    It's the "Golden Rule" - updated!

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    1. Pat, the trick is acting like it will work. Assume it will and act accordingly and the rest will follow. Or it won't, but at least we did our part.

      And as far as the Golden Rule... I think even that has a little bit too much wiggle room for this religion.

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  3. Amen, sister. Or, as I started saying when I was three, awomen.

    The problem is that once you start your religion people are going to screw it up. They always do. We'll need some sort of neighborhood watch to keep them at bay.


    Brilliantly stated, Wendy.

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    1. In light of recent news, I'm not sure that neighborhood watch thing is such a good idea. Although, "JA Zobair, Watch Commander" does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

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  4. Sign me up.

    Not too long ago, I read an article about Mr. Rogers that made me cry. Not just because he proved to be just as good a person in real life as he was on television, but because I saw, with perfect clarity, the pure potential and humility of a human being. Somehow he kept that alive and vital all his life, never giving into self-pity or souring with cynicism. Idealism in action. That's what we need more of.

    I loved this post, St. Wendy.

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    1. I never appreciated him until I was older. He was very understated. I admire people who see their path and walk it persistently.

      Hold on to that sainthood title just yet, Sarah, because I don't even know how to bake a pie. What kind of neighbor will I be without that??

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    2. Marie Callender makes a heavenly Dutch apple pie for the pie-comprosed souls out there.

      Or so I hear.

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    3. Ah yes, good old St. Marie Callender of the Tasty Pie.

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    4. Which reminds me of a collage a friend of mine made of a kitchen madonna called "Our Lady of the Bagel."

      http://www.lunaea.com/gallery/Bagel.html

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  5. Right on Wendy. Let's all pray to Fred. He was real!

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    1. I made a little magnet for my fridge that has Mister Rogers on it and a collaged caption at the top that says "Won't you be my neighbor?"

      Everyone should have one of those on their fridge.

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  6. Amen, Wendy. I'm in. I've always had a problem with all the religious dogma, too. Who makes these rules anyhow? And why is it that women never have a larger role?

    Mr Rogers was a true neighborly soul and I miss him. I second him for Patron Saint of the Be A Good Neighbor church.

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    1. Stephanie, it's hard to not get on a roll once you get started listing all the problems with "religion". I think in general it's a good thing socially for a lot of people. But I wonder sometimes if it causes more problems than it fixes. Who can say. (These are questions for the smart people to answer, the ones who study sociology and anthropology and history and psychology. I'm just here because someone said they were bringing snacks.)

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  7. wendy, your church premise is brilliant! sign me up! (I don't have to tithe, do I?)

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    1. No tithing, Eva! But you probably should save a tiny bit back just in case I have to borrow some gas money or something. But being a good neighbor I PROMISE... I will pay you back. And bring a bar of homemade soap over as my interest on the loan.

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  8. I'll join if I can be an apostle. And not one at the end of the table; no one ever remembers their names.

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    1. Dear Apostle Stephen, welcome to the fold. :)

      Being an apostle qualifies you for a chance to apply for Sainthood after many years of dedicated service. Applications for Sainthood are available at the central office. They must be filled out in triplicate and in blue or black ink. No crayons, please.

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  9. It's a good idea, but just watch, pretty soon you'll have people building special houses with pointy bits on top for Good Neighborists to congregate in and then you'll have split offs like 'The Picket Fencists' and 'Green Lawnists' that will fight over land and money and pretty soon there's battles and a war and everything goes poof!

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    1. Julie, oh you would have to go get all sensible on me, wouldn't you??

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  10. Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

    Julie's right. And so is Glenn. You can't form a real religion in this country without basing it on money and political clout. And who are you going to crusade against? I don't know, Wendy. I'm not sure I'm buying into this just yet.

    Plus, being a prophet carries some risks. Such as the risk of being misunderstood and "interpreted": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xLUEMj6cwA

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    1. And in every religion there is a doubting Thomas. :)

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    2. Or in this case maybe Doubting Dudley. (Sorry, couldn't resist the Double D sound)

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  11. Amen. Count me in.

    Unfortunately, a lot of what I see in religion and churches is all about the money.

    Sigh.

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    1. As a "startup" I anticipate it being very grim with our tight budget. But I do anticipate a lot of pie and cookies, so we probably have a little while before we have to worry about the greed.

      The waistline is another whole matter...

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  12. You know if you're trying to say "people are stupid" and possibly also "people are assholes" you've completely succeeded (and I agree with you).
    But I do find myself thinking that you've basically just reiterated what Jesus preached.
    “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12)
    This was pretty much what he went around saying: stop being religious assholes.

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    1. No, I'm not necessarily trying to say "people are stupid" or "people are assholes" although there are those people out there.

      And I agree that the philosophy of being a good neighbor is not a new one. There is the Golden Rule, there is WWJD, there are many philosophies and tenets of organizations and religions that describe how we should treat fellow humans.

      However, while Jesus was a whole lot of awesomesauce, the Bible as a whole creates a lot more problems than it fixes. For example, they don't just leave it at "treat people the same way you want them to treat you." They add stuff in Leviticus like "put gays to death." Just this ONE thing (not to count all the other things) creates ugliness in the world.

      I don't care WHO thinks I'm a dreamer and an idealist -- I think it sucks to live in a world where religious kooks hang out at funerals with big signs that say "GOD HATES FAGS." It's ugly and it's wrong. But if you're a Christian it's a mandate that you find homosexuals "detestable."

      And I'm not even really blaming religion as much as pointing out that religion isn't WORKING. Because if we followed our religions to the letter and are exceptional human beings we still alienate people we shun for their sins or because they don't believe the "truth" as it is laid out in our particular holy book.

      But being kind, following the Golden Rule or following Matt 7:12 transcends all other beliefs. I can be a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, an atheist and follow that with all my heart.

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    2. Their God must be a complete dickhead.

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  13. Have you ever planted anything in the garden of your mind?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM

    (Also you should check out "The God Article", I believe you will find out that the bible doesn't tell anyone to put gays to death... http://www.thegodarticle.com/7/post/2011/10/clobbering-biblical-gay-bashing.html)

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    1. Ha, funny. I tweeted that Garden of the Mind thing a little while ago. Love it.

      On the "put gays to death" thing... I wasn't so much trying to interpret as much as encapsulate what that scripture says. That article is nice and all, but it doesn't change the actual words that are printed in the bible which literally and actually says "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them."

      I love that the guy tries to put a modern spin on it, but my point is not about how we interpret the bible, it is that people will use the bible to hate monger because it gives them license to.

      I'm all for thoughtful reasoning that promotes kindness and unity.

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    2. I totally agree with what you have to say about religions and hate mongering. As to him putting a "modern spin" on it, my understanding from the theologians that I have been privileged to talked to, our common interpretations are the ones that have the 'spin' on them. The concept of homosexuality was unknown at the time of these writings. This (laying with a man...) was no different than infidelity (a stoning offense), which has nothing to do with homosexuality. So the "actual words" actually have a different meaning than what we understand. Which is true of most of a great portion of the bible. I knew a priest that would get terribly upset every Christmas season because of the quote: "Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men" He said that this was wrong, that's not what it said at all. The actual quote is: "Peace on Earth to Men of Good Will" which totally changes it.

      I'm with Mr Rogers, I love to teach my grandkids how to plant things in the gardens of their minds. :)

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  14. I would love to be your neighbor, Wendy!

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Tell me what's on your mind!