July 3, 2010

If You Need a Conversation Stopper You Can Borrow My 3-Year-Old

We had company over last weekend. They brought their baby with them... a cute six month old butter chunk. They plunked him down in his walker and my kids began surrounding him with toys, stuffed animals and other goodies.

The grownups began talking about whatever boring stuff grownups talk about. I glanced over to make sure my kids were not accidentally suffocating the baby with an overdose of love. He was fine and gnawing happily on Winnie the Pooh, the only toy that hadn't fallen out of his short reach.

About five seconds later I heard Tristan yell, "Mom, Baby Isaiah is eating his penis!"

The room, as you might imagine, went dead silent. My head whipped around and there was Winnie the Pooh on the walker tray with the baby gnawing happily in his crotch.

"Oh wow," said the mother sitting next to me.

I cleared my throat, my mind casting about for something appropriate to say. Rarely do I come up with the appropriate thing however.

"Tristan, he's a stuffed animal. He doesn't have a penis."

"Yes he dooz! Baby Isaiah is EATING his PENIS!"

I do know enough about my son to know that he gets loud and indignant and there was no good way to make this conversation disappear by reasoning it through. So I did what any sensible mother would do... Offered him some chocolate milk.

I've never seen a kid leave a room so fast.

16 comments :

  1. wonderful. I wonder if that works on bosses too.EE

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  2. That's hilarious! Poor Winnie...

    Oh, wait. Poor Mom!

    ;-)

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  3. As mothers we learn early the art of divergin! ...lol...smooth recovery there!...Ha-ha! How I would love to have had a picture of your face! Sounds like a real "Kodiak" moment!

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  4. That is gold!! Can I borrow him for a weekend? My friends would love him :)

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  5. Poor Winnie, such indignities heaped upon him. Must try the chocolate milk as a distraction for others at work.

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  6. This is hilarious! Kids are great!

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  7. That's when you wish life had a fast forward button, or better yet, a mute button for your son! That is too funny! Glad you could deter him with chocolate milk!

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  8. That was too funny!

    And you were quite wise not to engage in a penis debate.

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  9. I just clicked next blog and found you. And I'm glad. You are quite funny!

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  10. Oh my goodness. That mom, I wonder what went through her mind. That's too funny.

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  11. Ha! Just a day ago my son and a neighbor boy were outside playing with a rubber chicken (I'm not making this up) and I heard the neighbor boy exclaim: "You squeezed the penis out of it!"

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  12. At first i thought Baby Isaiah had an incredibly long penis and was eating his own penis. Now that would have been hard to ignore, no matter how much choc. milk was involved.

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  13. Wendy - I have a general question...did anyone take over STSS? I looked through the posts, but couldn't find if it had officially moved. I think it was such a worthwhile project and I was hoping to start posting STSS again.

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  14. Too funny...Kids are amazing people :)

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  15. That is brilliant. I am currently inserting it into my "When my kid starts talking bag of tricks."

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