The P-Bomb

Recently on the phone my mother admonished me about my children's prolific use of the word "penis."

"You know you will be sorry one day about that word. One day they will use it in a way that will completely embarrasses you to death. Then you'll wish you'd never gotten that started."

I sat for a moment, bewildered. "Got what started? What was I supposed to do... pretend there isn't a word called 'penis'? Are we supposed to call it a 'wee wee' or 'weenie' or 'pee pee' or 'wing wang' or... or... well, you get what I mean."

"Well, I don't know, but you just mark my words. You'll see."

* * *

The other day I was on the phone with a client discussing her impending closing which wasn't going very well. It's been a very long, protracted transaction full of twists and turns, bumps and bruises. My children were babbling in the background as usual. One of my ears was tuned into her, the other was listening to the Charlie Brown "wah wah" of my children droning.

As my client took a deep breath to launch into another paragraph of things that were not going well I heard, "Wah wah wah wah wah wah PENIS wah wah wah PENIS..."

And then I heard my client says, "Oh."

To which I responded, "Um, yeah. Sorry."

* * *

The boys and I were on our way home at the end of the day. One of the things I really enjoy about my oldest son is that he frequently has interesting observations about the world around him.  I love getting his perspective about the things he is learning and am often amazed at his notice of many things I take for granted. Child development is fascinating.

This particular day he was discussing the movie Avatar. We've not seen it yet as he is still 6 and isn't allowed to see PG-13 movies at the movie theater. (Sometimes he is allowed to watch PG-13 movies on video if his dad or I have pre-screened it.)

Julius said, "Mom, did you know what the guy who made that movie saw the whole thing in a dream he had -- the whole movie in one dream?"

"You mean he dreamed it and then made the movie?"

Julius nodded. "Yeah, that's what I mean."

"Huh. I didn't know that.  Where did you hear about that?"

"I saw it on Oprah."

I glanced in the rear view mirror. "When were you watching Oprah?"

"Sometimes I watch it with Dad in the afternoon when he watches it."

I cracked completely up at the image of my husband and son sitting around the house in the afternoon with their feet up watching Oprah. I made a mental note to myself to mock my husband about it at the first opportunity.

Suddenly, Tristan, who had been silent the entire time, pipes up.  Looking over at Julius he says, "Stop talking to me."

I laughed even harder and Julius started laughing, too.  He said, "Tristan, I'm not even talking to you. Nobody is talking to you."

Tristan said, "Stop talking, penis head."

Man, I hate it when my mom is right.