November 28, 2008

The Menace of Electric Cars


Up until today I've been really excited about the prospect of electric cars. For the obvious reasons, of course. I love that we can break our dependence on fossil fuels. I especially love how quiet they are.

My first experience with electric cars was when I was waiting for a client of mine and walked out to meet him when I saw him coming down the road. He pulls up next to me and I thought his car had stalled and he was coasting in. The only sound it was making was the crunching of the tires on the gravel. Oh, to drive a car that rides the wind like a whisper.

Yeah, until today. Today I nearly had a body part amputated by one of those stealth Bringers of Pain. I was in the parking lot of Lowe's loading paint into my car and this woman comes up and opens the door of the car next to mine. I didn't think much of it. She slid into the car and I wasn't being particularly careful because I figured I was safe until I heard the car start.

I proceed to back my hindquarters out of the car, whipping around to slam the door shut when I see the front end of her car swinging around to greet me like a long-lost lover angling in for a hot embrace. She, of course, is looking the other way. I freeze, bewildered for a moment because the car is moving, silently and swiftly, and about to amputate my ass. Or at least maybe my foot. I think she missed me by only three inches.

So, I realize that in all the hubbub of the electric cars being the panacea for the environment and the economy, nobody is talking about butt amputation AT ALL and I think someone should be. I envision old ladies and the blind being knocked flying through intersections, small children being flattened like pancakes by well-meaning
hippiesyuppies hopped up on grande mochas.

Where is Ralph Nader when you need him?

7 comments:

  1. BWAHAHAH! They need that back up beeping noise that big trucks have. That is kind of frightening though. Glad you're ok and all in one piece!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you're right! Except maybe going forward, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. In favour of electric cars, I can see there might be some demand in affluent societies like ours for a bit of arse-amputation. [I don't know why we speel it arse here but we do]

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chris, you're a glass-half-full kinda guy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. And I don't know why we spell it "speel" either.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I forgot about the going forward.
    Roll down the window and shout??

    Oh and I'm sorry to hear about your city losing your decorations. I always wonder about that, how cities can afford what they do. Of course, Rice Park has sponsors up the wazzoo for what they did and I believe it's almost all LED, not as much electricity. And we had that little political thing here a few months ago (the Republican National Convention) lol.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My husband often accuses me of speeding up and honking when a disaster is heading my way. (I wish I could say that were untrue, but unfortunately... guilty as charged.)

    So, when I get my electric car (one day!) I'll just race around honking at everyone to make sure they see me coming.

    ReplyDelete

Tell me what's on your mind!